How beautiful it was to be putting my Christmas decorations up this year while the little man slept peacefully in his cot. It was a very emotional experience.
I love Christmas but it is also a time when I have felt most strongly the hurt and frustration of not having a baby. I can say this here, but hanging the baby Jesus decoration was always accompanied by a prayer.
This year I was half way through hanging them when I suddenly realised that I didnt have to have those feelings anymore. He is here and he is beautiful and I love him. I did shed a little tear for the baby that never was as it woud have been his/her first Christmas too.
Our first Christmas.
Sunday 18 December 2011
Monday 3 October 2011
Saturday 1 October 2011
New Mum!
Well, I cant believe it but its true, Im actually a mum to a totally adorable little boy.
I completed my 24 hour urine collection and took the bottles back to the hospital to be analysed. I rang the following day and the results showed that I had failed (just) the urine test. I was invited into the day unit to have my case reviewed by a doctor. There seemed no urgency and the I chatted with the midwife and eventually decided to go in on Sunday, as that is the quietest day.
Sunday arrived, dh's birthday, and we stopped into the hospital on the way to dinner. They took my blood pressure, it was elevated, and the doctor said that they want to admit me. So that was that Sunday, 11 September I was admitted onto the ante-natal ward.
On that first night they gave me a bp pill that split my head in two. I couldnt believe it. They gave me the pill at 11pm and the first time I could put my head on the pillow was 2pm the following afternoon. I spent the night begging for medication and crying.
There I stayed having blood pressure scare after bp scare - with bp reaching levels of 198 at the end. Mostly my bp raised in the night and the same procedure would happen. The nurse would wake me, take my blood pressure, it would be raised, she would ring the doctor, the doctor would prescribe another pill, sometime later she would return, take my blood pressure again, it wouldnt have gone down and the doctor would come. He would tap my joints to check my reflexes, order bloods (which were mostly clear) and my bp would come down an hour or so later only to spike in the middle of the day. Then in a day or two the whole procedure would start again. That was the pattern of the days including some growth scans and trips to the diabetic clinic until they began to see me on the ward.
On the 19/9 the sonographer who completed a very quick growth scan concluded that 'the ac (abdonminal circumference) was now below the 3rd percentile and as stated in the previous growth scan the measures had halted'. On the night of the 19th my bp rose to 198 and they introduced lots of different medications to try to lower it.
For the morning rounds of the consultant I had it all worked out how I was going to demand some action but I didnt need to say anything. The consultant reviewed my results and said ' in light of the bp and scan we need to induce you'. I later asked the nurse when I would transfer me over to the birth centre and she said about 8ish. Within an hour they were there waiting for me.
I was transfered to one of the rooms and given a gel to prompt the cervix to open (be warned it is the most horrible thing I have ever had done to me. They put 2 fingers inside you and keep going till they find the opening they then insert this gel.) After 6 hours nothing had happened so the procedure was repeated (this time by a midwife with amazingly short and extra plump fingers!!) Again nothing happened. What they want is for the cervix to open enough for them to break your waters. I fell asleep, the next morning the same girl gave me a 'sweep' which is kind of the same but without the gel. At my hospital they wont repeat the meds more than twice then you have to have a 24 hour break. I was wandering around the room, had a quick bounce on the birthing ball and bang my waters broke.
They transfered me to another room and gave me an epidural immediately. Because of my high blood pressure it was felt safest for me to have this immediately so my body wouldnt experience the highs and the pain could be managed from the off. They then started the hormone drip that brings on contractions. Im very proud to say that after only 1 hour of proper full strength contractions I dilated 5cms! I had only had one shot of the epidural and felt I was managing the pain well. But after that point every time I had a contraction the baby's heart slowed. This is apparently fine if fully dilated but not at this stage of labour. The doctors came in and discussed between themselves what should happen, they decided that I should have a break and they would review in 30 minutes. They then left the room. The midwife swictched everything off and stopped the drip (which stopped the contractions) as instructed. She told me to lay on my left side and relax. I did this and after only 5 or so minutes we all listened as the babies heart slowed to nothing. The midwife asked dh to press the emergency switch - I shouted at him to push it now.
Within 2 minutes the room was full of the same doctors crowding around the bed and I shouted as forcefully as I could that they need to get my baby out now. We were run and bumped down the hallway on the trolley. DH was given scrubs to change into and he joined me in theatre. A tent thing was erected, I was striped bare (the cold air across my body), my drugs changed so I could feel no pain just sensation and suddenly from behind the sheet - a cry. It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. He was rushed for checks by the baby doctors (they had been told he was 31 weeks so half the team were there). I told dh to go with them so he could hear what was being said and check everything was okay while the doctors put me back together. Then he appeared, wrapped in a towel, perfect. He is tiny (that much was true) he weighed 4lb1, he now weighs 3lb9 or 1.8kgs (that weight loss is normal after birth). He has no signs of any syndromes. He is beautiful and has made typing this message twice as hard as he is laying on my chest curled in his favourite position.
We were discharged from hospital on Sunday. Sunday night we got home and I have a terrible fever. So after 1 night we are back in hospital, apparently I have a blood infection and a collection of fluid from the c-section (try typing with a drip and a baby) and we will have to stay till I feel better. Im pleased because that 1 night on my own, with no midwives to asked I worried about looking after my tiny boy. I may be sick but I am overwhelmed with happiness. My job is to feed him and keep him warm until he grows. The most amazing thing is how he recognises me from everyone else. I think he is pretty clever too, he scowls, has a sulky face and smiles. Not bad for 9 days old.
Well thats it... except you may be asking about names...we havent decided. I like Soren and have been road testing it but it feels such a important decision I want to get it right.
We have a wonderful private room (probably because of the word 'infection') overlooking the Thames and I check the time by looking across the river at one of Big Ben's faces.
On Monday we should be discharged if the collection has reduced from the previous scan if not Im afraid its a big needle and ultra sound equipment to remove it.
Im overwhelmed when I look at my darling little boy.
I completed my 24 hour urine collection and took the bottles back to the hospital to be analysed. I rang the following day and the results showed that I had failed (just) the urine test. I was invited into the day unit to have my case reviewed by a doctor. There seemed no urgency and the I chatted with the midwife and eventually decided to go in on Sunday, as that is the quietest day.
Sunday arrived, dh's birthday, and we stopped into the hospital on the way to dinner. They took my blood pressure, it was elevated, and the doctor said that they want to admit me. So that was that Sunday, 11 September I was admitted onto the ante-natal ward.
On that first night they gave me a bp pill that split my head in two. I couldnt believe it. They gave me the pill at 11pm and the first time I could put my head on the pillow was 2pm the following afternoon. I spent the night begging for medication and crying.
There I stayed having blood pressure scare after bp scare - with bp reaching levels of 198 at the end. Mostly my bp raised in the night and the same procedure would happen. The nurse would wake me, take my blood pressure, it would be raised, she would ring the doctor, the doctor would prescribe another pill, sometime later she would return, take my blood pressure again, it wouldnt have gone down and the doctor would come. He would tap my joints to check my reflexes, order bloods (which were mostly clear) and my bp would come down an hour or so later only to spike in the middle of the day. Then in a day or two the whole procedure would start again. That was the pattern of the days including some growth scans and trips to the diabetic clinic until they began to see me on the ward.
On the 19/9 the sonographer who completed a very quick growth scan concluded that 'the ac (abdonminal circumference) was now below the 3rd percentile and as stated in the previous growth scan the measures had halted'. On the night of the 19th my bp rose to 198 and they introduced lots of different medications to try to lower it.
For the morning rounds of the consultant I had it all worked out how I was going to demand some action but I didnt need to say anything. The consultant reviewed my results and said ' in light of the bp and scan we need to induce you'. I later asked the nurse when I would transfer me over to the birth centre and she said about 8ish. Within an hour they were there waiting for me.
I was transfered to one of the rooms and given a gel to prompt the cervix to open (be warned it is the most horrible thing I have ever had done to me. They put 2 fingers inside you and keep going till they find the opening they then insert this gel.) After 6 hours nothing had happened so the procedure was repeated (this time by a midwife with amazingly short and extra plump fingers!!) Again nothing happened. What they want is for the cervix to open enough for them to break your waters. I fell asleep, the next morning the same girl gave me a 'sweep' which is kind of the same but without the gel. At my hospital they wont repeat the meds more than twice then you have to have a 24 hour break. I was wandering around the room, had a quick bounce on the birthing ball and bang my waters broke.
They transfered me to another room and gave me an epidural immediately. Because of my high blood pressure it was felt safest for me to have this immediately so my body wouldnt experience the highs and the pain could be managed from the off. They then started the hormone drip that brings on contractions. Im very proud to say that after only 1 hour of proper full strength contractions I dilated 5cms! I had only had one shot of the epidural and felt I was managing the pain well. But after that point every time I had a contraction the baby's heart slowed. This is apparently fine if fully dilated but not at this stage of labour. The doctors came in and discussed between themselves what should happen, they decided that I should have a break and they would review in 30 minutes. They then left the room. The midwife swictched everything off and stopped the drip (which stopped the contractions) as instructed. She told me to lay on my left side and relax. I did this and after only 5 or so minutes we all listened as the babies heart slowed to nothing. The midwife asked dh to press the emergency switch - I shouted at him to push it now.
Within 2 minutes the room was full of the same doctors crowding around the bed and I shouted as forcefully as I could that they need to get my baby out now. We were run and bumped down the hallway on the trolley. DH was given scrubs to change into and he joined me in theatre. A tent thing was erected, I was striped bare (the cold air across my body), my drugs changed so I could feel no pain just sensation and suddenly from behind the sheet - a cry. It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. He was rushed for checks by the baby doctors (they had been told he was 31 weeks so half the team were there). I told dh to go with them so he could hear what was being said and check everything was okay while the doctors put me back together. Then he appeared, wrapped in a towel, perfect. He is tiny (that much was true) he weighed 4lb1, he now weighs 3lb9 or 1.8kgs (that weight loss is normal after birth). He has no signs of any syndromes. He is beautiful and has made typing this message twice as hard as he is laying on my chest curled in his favourite position.
We were discharged from hospital on Sunday. Sunday night we got home and I have a terrible fever. So after 1 night we are back in hospital, apparently I have a blood infection and a collection of fluid from the c-section (try typing with a drip and a baby) and we will have to stay till I feel better. Im pleased because that 1 night on my own, with no midwives to asked I worried about looking after my tiny boy. I may be sick but I am overwhelmed with happiness. My job is to feed him and keep him warm until he grows. The most amazing thing is how he recognises me from everyone else. I think he is pretty clever too, he scowls, has a sulky face and smiles. Not bad for 9 days old.
Well thats it... except you may be asking about names...we havent decided. I like Soren and have been road testing it but it feels such a important decision I want to get it right.
We have a wonderful private room (probably because of the word 'infection') overlooking the Thames and I check the time by looking across the river at one of Big Ben's faces.
On Monday we should be discharged if the collection has reduced from the previous scan if not Im afraid its a big needle and ultra sound equipment to remove it.
Im overwhelmed when I look at my darling little boy.
Thursday 8 September 2011
35 weeks pregnant
Wednesday's midwife appointment ended much like the week befores. I had a +1 protein in my urine and raised blood pressure. Needless to say I didnt get to see the midwife. I had the consultation with the diabetes doctor, a very sincere young man, who sat forward in his chair and looked at me squarely in his face. Im not used to such attention and it unsettled me. Anyway, he wasnt pleased that I had so few readings (only dinner readings this past week) and reminded me its not for long. He is right of course and I will try harder.
From there I was supposed to see the midwife but instead was seen by a doctor who sent me to the Day Unit to be assessed. She wrote on my notes that if I have a second high blood pressure reading I was to be admitted. I didnt and so was able to leave at 8pm (Id been there since 1). They monitored the baby and all seemed okay. They didnt do the number of bp readings that she had asked for so called me over, just before sending me on my way to do another. I left carrying two large plastic bottles and a measuring jug with instructions to collect my urine for 24 hours.
Up to the wee that got me out of bed in the middle of the night, there was under half a litre. Maybe I need to drink more. A couple of hours to go and I will return the bottle filled with what looks like some dark mechanical biproduct.
When I got home my blood pressure read 165/111. Ten minutes later it was back down. I have no idea whats happening but I dont think they can ignore the high readings forever. The problem is its normally high and stays high while mine fluctuates.
Another interesting experience with a medic. This time the doctor wanted a job in an ivf clinic and wanted to know what made a good service/good consultant. We must have talked about it for 15/20 minutes.
Symptoms = swollen feet and ankles rising to my calves now, painful hands and fingers
From there I was supposed to see the midwife but instead was seen by a doctor who sent me to the Day Unit to be assessed. She wrote on my notes that if I have a second high blood pressure reading I was to be admitted. I didnt and so was able to leave at 8pm (Id been there since 1). They monitored the baby and all seemed okay. They didnt do the number of bp readings that she had asked for so called me over, just before sending me on my way to do another. I left carrying two large plastic bottles and a measuring jug with instructions to collect my urine for 24 hours.
Up to the wee that got me out of bed in the middle of the night, there was under half a litre. Maybe I need to drink more. A couple of hours to go and I will return the bottle filled with what looks like some dark mechanical biproduct.
When I got home my blood pressure read 165/111. Ten minutes later it was back down. I have no idea whats happening but I dont think they can ignore the high readings forever. The problem is its normally high and stays high while mine fluctuates.
Another interesting experience with a medic. This time the doctor wanted a job in an ivf clinic and wanted to know what made a good service/good consultant. We must have talked about it for 15/20 minutes.
Symptoms = swollen feet and ankles rising to my calves now, painful hands and fingers
Wednesday 31 August 2011
33 weeks 4 days pregnant - growth scan
Well my regular doctor was back from her holiday yesterday and so she was the one who scanned me. (I knew not to get excited about the last scan.) She put the baby back on the original growth curve. The BPD (head diameter) on the 3rd percentile along with the femur. The tummy circumference just a bit above and the head on about the 40 line. (So baby has a big head by comparison to other body parts not other babies.)
She also measured the short bones (lower leg and arm) and I wish I hadnt seen. Some were showing at approximately 29 weeks. She said not to worry about these (how do I do that?) as the baby is at such a funny angle she couldnt get good measurements. The babies head is down in my pelvis and his body is twisted, in an L shape, so that his bottom is by my left hip.
I was contemplating going back to work but after the scan results I just want to put my head down and stay close to home. Can I say this? Maybe I will come back and delete it later but Im ashamed - that Ive done this and that my baby may not be normally formed. I dont want to face people and pretend everything is okay nor do I want to explain every detail. If there is something wrong I dont know how I will cope. But for now I dont want to see people - I want to be alone and get my head around it by myself.
So thats it. One more scan in two weeks when I will be 35 + 4 and just 2 weeks + after that I should be induced.
I have begun to experience terrible swelling in my hands - I wake up and they are painful and like big fat sausages. I also have one swollen ankle - just one mind.
The leakage problem has raised its head again. My fluid is within normal but low. I will have to go in today and have an internal. All those weeks ago (with my original consultant) I raised the same issue as I can feel something opening and liquid passing on occasions - now I dont know what it is. It could be urine (my bladder was never so good after the myomectomy (fibroid removal when they cut my bladder), or amniotic fluid or simply discharge. My knickers are wet everyday. I felt a bubble of liquid passing yesterday morning, changed my underwear and by the time I was at the hospital for my appointment I was wet again. It doesnt sound like fluid but I think I should try and find out what it is.
Ooh the ups and downs.
My bump is still small but it is visable now. I actually was offered a seat on the tube yesterday! What a kind man. I was tired and feeling leaky coming back from my scan and was ever so grateful. It must mean that I now look pregnant and not just fat. Dont get me wrong, I love my bump - its so tight (especially in the morning). It feels like a miracle in itself. That Ive actually got one. I will miss it when its gone.
Symtoms = swollen ankle and hands, raised bp, baby moving/squirming, bleeding gums
She also measured the short bones (lower leg and arm) and I wish I hadnt seen. Some were showing at approximately 29 weeks. She said not to worry about these (how do I do that?) as the baby is at such a funny angle she couldnt get good measurements. The babies head is down in my pelvis and his body is twisted, in an L shape, so that his bottom is by my left hip.
I was contemplating going back to work but after the scan results I just want to put my head down and stay close to home. Can I say this? Maybe I will come back and delete it later but Im ashamed - that Ive done this and that my baby may not be normally formed. I dont want to face people and pretend everything is okay nor do I want to explain every detail. If there is something wrong I dont know how I will cope. But for now I dont want to see people - I want to be alone and get my head around it by myself.
So thats it. One more scan in two weeks when I will be 35 + 4 and just 2 weeks + after that I should be induced.
I have begun to experience terrible swelling in my hands - I wake up and they are painful and like big fat sausages. I also have one swollen ankle - just one mind.
The leakage problem has raised its head again. My fluid is within normal but low. I will have to go in today and have an internal. All those weeks ago (with my original consultant) I raised the same issue as I can feel something opening and liquid passing on occasions - now I dont know what it is. It could be urine (my bladder was never so good after the myomectomy (fibroid removal when they cut my bladder), or amniotic fluid or simply discharge. My knickers are wet everyday. I felt a bubble of liquid passing yesterday morning, changed my underwear and by the time I was at the hospital for my appointment I was wet again. It doesnt sound like fluid but I think I should try and find out what it is.
Ooh the ups and downs.
My bump is still small but it is visable now. I actually was offered a seat on the tube yesterday! What a kind man. I was tired and feeling leaky coming back from my scan and was ever so grateful. It must mean that I now look pregnant and not just fat. Dont get me wrong, I love my bump - its so tight (especially in the morning). It feels like a miracle in itself. That Ive actually got one. I will miss it when its gone.
Symtoms = swollen ankle and hands, raised bp, baby moving/squirming, bleeding gums
Tuesday 16 August 2011
31 weeks and 4 days pregnant - growth scan
Well, today I had a growth scan. It was not at the FMU (fetal medicine unit) but rather where all the other ladies get scanned. I always wanted to progress to that unit as that would mean my pregnancy was progressing normally.
The doctor that has been seeing me in the FMU is on holiday so thats why I was seen in the other unit. Anyway, I dont know what to make of it but she measured the femur at 60mm, an increase of 15mm?? That also now plonks the femur on the 50% line - normal. In fact everything has grown. Im so untrusting - are these really the correct measurments this time? Has my baby had a growth spurt? Is everything gong to be okay?
The estimated weight is now 3lb 9.1 oz. Previously I was struggling to get to 2lbs.
She measured everything 9 or 10 times. Checked and double checked.
I dont trust anyone and thats the truth.
The sonographer is 41 and confided that she is about to try ivf. She wanted to hear about my story and I shared the things I have learnt along the way. There are so many of us out there.
It feels liike a good day - but Im scared of being happy and accepting and believing, after all this upset, that everything will be okay. I pray it will be. Im going to start my knitting back up today it feels like a baby will be born.
Negatively DH has been made redundant -but thats a worry for another day. Tomorrow I have another hospital appointment - 1230 they are going to set me up with my own blood pressure machine and take it home, 1600 diabetic clinic and 1900 tour of the maternity facilities.
Thank you for the lovely lady who commented on my blog. I have wondered at times if anyone was reading and if it would be helpful to anyone.
Symptoms = baby moving, sickness, bleeding gums, wobbly on my feet at times
The doctor that has been seeing me in the FMU is on holiday so thats why I was seen in the other unit. Anyway, I dont know what to make of it but she measured the femur at 60mm, an increase of 15mm?? That also now plonks the femur on the 50% line - normal. In fact everything has grown. Im so untrusting - are these really the correct measurments this time? Has my baby had a growth spurt? Is everything gong to be okay?
The estimated weight is now 3lb 9.1 oz. Previously I was struggling to get to 2lbs.
She measured everything 9 or 10 times. Checked and double checked.
I dont trust anyone and thats the truth.
The sonographer is 41 and confided that she is about to try ivf. She wanted to hear about my story and I shared the things I have learnt along the way. There are so many of us out there.
It feels liike a good day - but Im scared of being happy and accepting and believing, after all this upset, that everything will be okay. I pray it will be. Im going to start my knitting back up today it feels like a baby will be born.
Negatively DH has been made redundant -but thats a worry for another day. Tomorrow I have another hospital appointment - 1230 they are going to set me up with my own blood pressure machine and take it home, 1600 diabetic clinic and 1900 tour of the maternity facilities.
Thank you for the lovely lady who commented on my blog. I have wondered at times if anyone was reading and if it would be helpful to anyone.
Symptoms = baby moving, sickness, bleeding gums, wobbly on my feet at times
Tuesday 2 August 2011
29 weeks 5 days pregnant - short femur
Well, I had my scan yessterday and the femur is now measuring below the range of normal. The measurements are on a chart which show the lowest 3rd percentile and the highest 90 percentile of normal. All the way along the doctors have said 'its within normal range' so dont worry and now it is outside the doctor yesterday was still encouraging me to think of it as normal. I just dont get it.
Of course it could mean many things. What it definately means is that the femur is not growing at the same rate as the rest of the baby. The first measurement the doctor took it was about 45mm and sat about a cm below the lowest 3rd percentile. She measured it lots of times after that until it occupies its current position, just below the line. She manage to make it 49mm which is at least 3 weeks behind. Again everything I hear and read says if its one or two weeks behind thats okay. That is a measurement of approximately a 26 week old baby I am just shy of 30 weeks.
I have to go to the diabetes clinic today and will work hard to speak to the consultant.
I have another scan in 2 weeks and then one 2 weeks after that. What are we waiting for? Or perhaps they really just dont know?
Symptoms: stress, baby moving, gums still bleeding but less intense, food still doesnt taste good
Of course it could mean many things. What it definately means is that the femur is not growing at the same rate as the rest of the baby. The first measurement the doctor took it was about 45mm and sat about a cm below the lowest 3rd percentile. She measured it lots of times after that until it occupies its current position, just below the line. She manage to make it 49mm which is at least 3 weeks behind. Again everything I hear and read says if its one or two weeks behind thats okay. That is a measurement of approximately a 26 week old baby I am just shy of 30 weeks.
I have to go to the diabetes clinic today and will work hard to speak to the consultant.
I have another scan in 2 weeks and then one 2 weeks after that. What are we waiting for? Or perhaps they really just dont know?
Symptoms: stress, baby moving, gums still bleeding but less intense, food still doesnt taste good
Saturday 23 July 2011
28 weeks 1 day pregnant - third tirmester, insulin
Well Im definately in the third trimester now. On different sites they say different things as well as my 'pregnancy day by day book'. (In the book Im in the final section.) Its funny isnt it, but at the beginning of the journey, I identified certain landmarks that I would love to reach - 'oh I would love to be 12 weeks, will I ever make it? Can I get to 20 weeks? Will I ever reach the 2nd/3rd trimester?' Now those landmarks are beginning to subside into the past- I have 32 weeks (for some reason feels quite prominent in my head) left and then the end - a baby.
I have spent every Wednesday going to the diabetic clinie. This week it was decided that I needed medication. There were 2 choices offered - metformin (spelling) and insulin. They started the conversation about Metformin by talking about its safety record which pricked up my ears. Ive never had a conversation like that when doctors are used to prescribing the drug and are confident. Apparently, like many other drugs, it is not licensed for pregnancy and it is not yet accompanied by years of data. She said that many other clinics prescribe it but they had only, in the last year or so, been prescribing it at my hospital. Insulin, on the other hand, is licensed and comes with years of data. I made the insulin the choice of the day, explaining that I couldnt take any chances.
The worst part about making that option is that I have to let my insurance company know. I have to test my gloucose before driving and let the DVLA know that Im on this medication. I have yet to take the drug. Im supposed to take it with a main meal and the food options I have feel so borning and my taste buds so off, that I have spent the last couple of weeks just snacking. I have a celary stick here, a couple of crackers there, a peach or a plum an hour or so later. So although, I wake up and eat breakfast (so I can take my tablets) I have yet to have what I call a main meal. In addition, there are some foods that I know dont raise my gloucose levels like an omlulet with mushrooms. So, in a way this has helped me control my diet more. I have had more salads, olives etc. Anyway, incase you are wondering, my insurance company was fine. I hear the DVLA can be harder as they then issue you with a limited 3 year license, despite it being something that wont last for more than 12 weeks in my case. I shant ring them till I actually use the insulin, in case I dont need to (since snacking my level hasnt been higher than 7.1 (.1 over the maximum level).
Two weeks till my next scan. I saw the consultant on Monday and he said very little about my child being a boy and not a girl and his comments about survival rates - 'lets hope he's a good fighter too'. Classic brush off. My blood pressure was up again - maybe its that clinic. So he wants me to up the blood pressure tablets to 3 a day. Like I said above, that has become tricky as, Im not identifying any particular snack as a main meal so I say to myself, Ill eat properly later and then never do.
Exciting stuff has been around shopping. We got a buggy. We went for the Quinny Buzz as DH really liked it and yesterday I bought the carry-cot on line. Very exciting. We set up the buggy, explored all the buttons and pushed it around the lounge. (A negative of the buggy is that it only just fits through the door!!) Of course it wont fit in my car, a matiz (smaller than a Noddy car) but Im intending to change that. I cant wait for the carry-cot to arrive so we can push that around too. DH loves it. I got it from an ebay shop and rrp is £385 for the buggy, I got mine for £250 and the carry-cot for £59.00 when that rrp is £150. Both new in the box. One car seat to go and the bedding situtation solved. We also need some vests in newborn size and then the lotions and potions, that I think we will wait for a bit to buy.
You may well be wondering what sprang me into action. Well, it was the words of the consultant saying, we dont have to hospitalise you YET! What, I cant be hospitalised, what about Max (my dog). Can you imagine 12 weeks in hospital. Well maybe 10 because he said with gestational diabetes we normally induce at 38 weeks - thats 10 weeks away. I dont think this pregnancy is going fast - day by day sitting at home doing nothing - but 10 weeks. If I was stuck in hospital I dont know what DH would buy and I want to be part of it anyway, part of the excitment.
Remind you to tell you about my trip to the dentist on my next entry.
Symptoms = baby moving, bleeding gums, sickness (still vomitting occasionally and sick burps a couple of times a week), food tastes unpleasant
I have spent every Wednesday going to the diabetic clinie. This week it was decided that I needed medication. There were 2 choices offered - metformin (spelling) and insulin. They started the conversation about Metformin by talking about its safety record which pricked up my ears. Ive never had a conversation like that when doctors are used to prescribing the drug and are confident. Apparently, like many other drugs, it is not licensed for pregnancy and it is not yet accompanied by years of data. She said that many other clinics prescribe it but they had only, in the last year or so, been prescribing it at my hospital. Insulin, on the other hand, is licensed and comes with years of data. I made the insulin the choice of the day, explaining that I couldnt take any chances.
The worst part about making that option is that I have to let my insurance company know. I have to test my gloucose before driving and let the DVLA know that Im on this medication. I have yet to take the drug. Im supposed to take it with a main meal and the food options I have feel so borning and my taste buds so off, that I have spent the last couple of weeks just snacking. I have a celary stick here, a couple of crackers there, a peach or a plum an hour or so later. So although, I wake up and eat breakfast (so I can take my tablets) I have yet to have what I call a main meal. In addition, there are some foods that I know dont raise my gloucose levels like an omlulet with mushrooms. So, in a way this has helped me control my diet more. I have had more salads, olives etc. Anyway, incase you are wondering, my insurance company was fine. I hear the DVLA can be harder as they then issue you with a limited 3 year license, despite it being something that wont last for more than 12 weeks in my case. I shant ring them till I actually use the insulin, in case I dont need to (since snacking my level hasnt been higher than 7.1 (.1 over the maximum level).
Two weeks till my next scan. I saw the consultant on Monday and he said very little about my child being a boy and not a girl and his comments about survival rates - 'lets hope he's a good fighter too'. Classic brush off. My blood pressure was up again - maybe its that clinic. So he wants me to up the blood pressure tablets to 3 a day. Like I said above, that has become tricky as, Im not identifying any particular snack as a main meal so I say to myself, Ill eat properly later and then never do.
Exciting stuff has been around shopping. We got a buggy. We went for the Quinny Buzz as DH really liked it and yesterday I bought the carry-cot on line. Very exciting. We set up the buggy, explored all the buttons and pushed it around the lounge. (A negative of the buggy is that it only just fits through the door!!) Of course it wont fit in my car, a matiz (smaller than a Noddy car) but Im intending to change that. I cant wait for the carry-cot to arrive so we can push that around too. DH loves it. I got it from an ebay shop and rrp is £385 for the buggy, I got mine for £250 and the carry-cot for £59.00 when that rrp is £150. Both new in the box. One car seat to go and the bedding situtation solved. We also need some vests in newborn size and then the lotions and potions, that I think we will wait for a bit to buy.
You may well be wondering what sprang me into action. Well, it was the words of the consultant saying, we dont have to hospitalise you YET! What, I cant be hospitalised, what about Max (my dog). Can you imagine 12 weeks in hospital. Well maybe 10 because he said with gestational diabetes we normally induce at 38 weeks - thats 10 weeks away. I dont think this pregnancy is going fast - day by day sitting at home doing nothing - but 10 weeks. If I was stuck in hospital I dont know what DH would buy and I want to be part of it anyway, part of the excitment.
Remind you to tell you about my trip to the dentist on my next entry.
Symptoms = baby moving, bleeding gums, sickness (still vomitting occasionally and sick burps a couple of times a week), food tastes unpleasant
Sunday 10 July 2011
26 weeks 2 days pregnant - gestational diabetes
Can you believe Ive now got gestational diabetes. On my last consultant scan I had gloucose in my urine. I had a follow-up blood test which found a level of 9. My fasting score is in normal range which confirms that it is gestational rather than regular diabetes. It explains my headaches and total weariness - those 3 hour naps.
Since my diagnosis I have spent 2 days at the hospital. 1 full day, when I arrived at 8.40 after fasting since 10pm the previous night. My blood was then tested. I had to drink 2 and half glasses of flat lucazade, wait for 2 hours then my blood was tested again. The results confirmed it as gestational diabetes. After which I was told the bad news by the nurse. I cried. Its just another thing. Then I saw the dietican. She went through my current diet and then advised me of the things I need to cut.
I need to cut out fizzy drinks (I could drink diet drinks but I feel very stongly about the sweetners that are included in diet drinks so I wont), not too much fruit, no fruit juice, reduce carbs, no treats (ice cream, cakes, chocolate etc - I have just developed a taste for these) and sugar and sugary sweets (my saving grace when I feel sick).
Food feels very boring now. My best response to a meal has been after a three egg omlulet with mushrooms and tomatoes. Of course because there were no carbs.
I have to prick my finger 4 times a day. When I wake in the morning and then 2 hours after every meal. I hate doing it and although I can do the early tests, as the day progresses I lose courage.
On Tuesday, I have a scan. Its going to be a tricky meeting as I need to challenge them about the results I got from them and the contradictory second opinion, including the gender!
Symptoms = baby moving most day (can be quiet on some days, lucky I have my fetal monitor), headaches, tiredness
Since my diagnosis I have spent 2 days at the hospital. 1 full day, when I arrived at 8.40 after fasting since 10pm the previous night. My blood was then tested. I had to drink 2 and half glasses of flat lucazade, wait for 2 hours then my blood was tested again. The results confirmed it as gestational diabetes. After which I was told the bad news by the nurse. I cried. Its just another thing. Then I saw the dietican. She went through my current diet and then advised me of the things I need to cut.
I need to cut out fizzy drinks (I could drink diet drinks but I feel very stongly about the sweetners that are included in diet drinks so I wont), not too much fruit, no fruit juice, reduce carbs, no treats (ice cream, cakes, chocolate etc - I have just developed a taste for these) and sugar and sugary sweets (my saving grace when I feel sick).
Food feels very boring now. My best response to a meal has been after a three egg omlulet with mushrooms and tomatoes. Of course because there were no carbs.
I have to prick my finger 4 times a day. When I wake in the morning and then 2 hours after every meal. I hate doing it and although I can do the early tests, as the day progresses I lose courage.
On Tuesday, I have a scan. Its going to be a tricky meeting as I need to challenge them about the results I got from them and the contradictory second opinion, including the gender!
Symptoms = baby moving most day (can be quiet on some days, lucky I have my fetal monitor), headaches, tiredness
Wednesday 29 June 2011
24 weeks 6 days pregnant - second opinon scan re small head/chromosonal problems/gestational diabetes
Well, its been a while. Where to start.
On the 20th, when I was 23 weeks 3 days pregnant, I went to my scan at the fetal medicine unit. I was anxious about it and after taking all the measurements the sonographer said that the baby had a small head. And that the head was below the 10th percentile (about 3). She booked me in for another scan in three weeks time and told me to see my consultant within 2 weeks.
The consultant appointment was on Monday, 27th. Can that be only 3/4 days away (its the middle of the night here). DH came with me as he said he just didnt understand either. I had suggested that the head was small to the previous sonographer at my 20 week scan. The small head cost so many tears as inuterine growth restriction problems are normally associated with a normal head (the baby pumps all the goodness to the head) and the other measurments are compromised. I could no longer deny, it seems that the baby would have down syndrom/Edwards or cal(something a syndrome that causes the head to be small and intelligence compromised). The baby also showed a small femur.
I rang the down syndrom advice centre and they said I could, based on my screening results and these small measurements, ask for a second opionion. She advised me to contact my doctor and be referred. This I did.
So on Monday we went to the consultant. It started, as normal with a blood pressure check - it was 140+ over 100+. The doctor said it was no longer ignorable and I have been told to stop work. I have been put on blood pressure tablets, which I am to take 3 times a day. They make me drowsy. After a couple of hours after taking them I fall asleep. I have no idea if they have lowered my blood pressure but I do feel much more relaxed.
They also tested my urine. There was gloucose in my urine. The doctor prescribed some blood tests to test my blood for gloucose and function tests of the liver and kidneys I think. I got a call yesterday from the diabetic clinic to say they needed to make an appointment urgently with me because there was lots of gloucose in my urine. So I go there next Tuesday to see if I am developing diabetes.
Then dh and I asked the doctor about the scan results. He asked again if it was a boy or a girl. I confirmed we were having a girl and he said good. Apparently girls have a better survival rate. I asked for an amnio as I said we could not ignore the small head and femur measurements and it now looks to me like it has to be a chromosone problem. He said 'its too late,' that in his opionion it is fetal growth restriction based on my high blood pressure and flow problems. He was nice about it, earnest even, but it felt like a hunch.
The consultant provided me with a letter to sign me off but it wasnt sufficient for school so I made an appointment to see my doctor to give me a certificate for school. I went this afternoon and she wrote the certificate until the 18th July. She wanted to do it longer but I said I preferred a review to see if I could go back. I also asked her about my second opionion referral, she said in all honesty it was probably waiting to be typed up. (I went to the doctors the previous week.) I asked for a copy as I would hand deliver it. She typed the letter there and then and I took it away. I took it directly to the fetal unit at Kings. It was very quiet there (all the consultants are away apparently on a conference). The receptionist wasnt sure if I could be seen there so took it away to see a midwife. She came back with the only remaining consultant who asked me why I wanted to be seen there. I explained about my down syndrome results, my call, the small head and femur that I wanted an amnio but was told no and that the whole thing was upsetting and I didnt understand and I just wanted to know.
She said she would scan me now!!!! She did. She asked do I know the gender. Yes I said (Ive been told twice its a girl). She said whats that then? Its a penis. My girl has a penis. My daughter is actually a son. She said that, to excuse her but she wouldnt rely on the measurements I had if they hadnt got the gender right. I know it sounds trival but that has been the only thing we have counted on. There may be no baby born, there may be problems but we ARE having a girl. We even did names. Even if the baby isnt born alive we would need a name now. I told people. I was pleased, dh was pleased. Now even the things we relied on can no longer be relied upon.
The consultant carefully took the measrements, the ones I was anxious about she took several times. She spent time explaining the results. She did not find a small head!! The head was nearer normal in size. The femur really is small - right at the edge of the measured line. Thats worrying but it all makes sense now. Now I really can believe that it could be restricted growth as it makes much more sense than it did before. It still could be down syndrome but it might not be.
Now I need to decide whether I should switch hospitals. I think I will go to my doctor again and discuss the results. Ive never been to my doctor so much in my life.
We bought clothes that were pink. Not that many but they are pink - we wanted to tell the world she was coming and she was going to be born. Its a lot to digest.
Symptoms = drowsy, headaches, baby moving
On the 20th, when I was 23 weeks 3 days pregnant, I went to my scan at the fetal medicine unit. I was anxious about it and after taking all the measurements the sonographer said that the baby had a small head. And that the head was below the 10th percentile (about 3). She booked me in for another scan in three weeks time and told me to see my consultant within 2 weeks.
The consultant appointment was on Monday, 27th. Can that be only 3/4 days away (its the middle of the night here). DH came with me as he said he just didnt understand either. I had suggested that the head was small to the previous sonographer at my 20 week scan. The small head cost so many tears as inuterine growth restriction problems are normally associated with a normal head (the baby pumps all the goodness to the head) and the other measurments are compromised. I could no longer deny, it seems that the baby would have down syndrom/Edwards or cal(something a syndrome that causes the head to be small and intelligence compromised). The baby also showed a small femur.
I rang the down syndrom advice centre and they said I could, based on my screening results and these small measurements, ask for a second opionion. She advised me to contact my doctor and be referred. This I did.
So on Monday we went to the consultant. It started, as normal with a blood pressure check - it was 140+ over 100+. The doctor said it was no longer ignorable and I have been told to stop work. I have been put on blood pressure tablets, which I am to take 3 times a day. They make me drowsy. After a couple of hours after taking them I fall asleep. I have no idea if they have lowered my blood pressure but I do feel much more relaxed.
They also tested my urine. There was gloucose in my urine. The doctor prescribed some blood tests to test my blood for gloucose and function tests of the liver and kidneys I think. I got a call yesterday from the diabetic clinic to say they needed to make an appointment urgently with me because there was lots of gloucose in my urine. So I go there next Tuesday to see if I am developing diabetes.
Then dh and I asked the doctor about the scan results. He asked again if it was a boy or a girl. I confirmed we were having a girl and he said good. Apparently girls have a better survival rate. I asked for an amnio as I said we could not ignore the small head and femur measurements and it now looks to me like it has to be a chromosone problem. He said 'its too late,' that in his opionion it is fetal growth restriction based on my high blood pressure and flow problems. He was nice about it, earnest even, but it felt like a hunch.
The consultant provided me with a letter to sign me off but it wasnt sufficient for school so I made an appointment to see my doctor to give me a certificate for school. I went this afternoon and she wrote the certificate until the 18th July. She wanted to do it longer but I said I preferred a review to see if I could go back. I also asked her about my second opionion referral, she said in all honesty it was probably waiting to be typed up. (I went to the doctors the previous week.) I asked for a copy as I would hand deliver it. She typed the letter there and then and I took it away. I took it directly to the fetal unit at Kings. It was very quiet there (all the consultants are away apparently on a conference). The receptionist wasnt sure if I could be seen there so took it away to see a midwife. She came back with the only remaining consultant who asked me why I wanted to be seen there. I explained about my down syndrome results, my call, the small head and femur that I wanted an amnio but was told no and that the whole thing was upsetting and I didnt understand and I just wanted to know.
She said she would scan me now!!!! She did. She asked do I know the gender. Yes I said (Ive been told twice its a girl). She said whats that then? Its a penis. My girl has a penis. My daughter is actually a son. She said that, to excuse her but she wouldnt rely on the measurements I had if they hadnt got the gender right. I know it sounds trival but that has been the only thing we have counted on. There may be no baby born, there may be problems but we ARE having a girl. We even did names. Even if the baby isnt born alive we would need a name now. I told people. I was pleased, dh was pleased. Now even the things we relied on can no longer be relied upon.
The consultant carefully took the measrements, the ones I was anxious about she took several times. She spent time explaining the results. She did not find a small head!! The head was nearer normal in size. The femur really is small - right at the edge of the measured line. Thats worrying but it all makes sense now. Now I really can believe that it could be restricted growth as it makes much more sense than it did before. It still could be down syndrome but it might not be.
Now I need to decide whether I should switch hospitals. I think I will go to my doctor again and discuss the results. Ive never been to my doctor so much in my life.
We bought clothes that were pink. Not that many but they are pink - we wanted to tell the world she was coming and she was going to be born. Its a lot to digest.
Symptoms = drowsy, headaches, baby moving
Monday 20 June 2011
23 weeks 4 days pregnant - small head
It upsets me to even type small head into the computer. What does this mean? I had a scan yesterday to check growth and the head was found to be in the bottom 3 percentile. Apparently, they are not worried as long as it sits between 10 and 90 but anything over or under causes alarm bells. The fermur was also small. I think this has been consistently small (DH is 6'2 and Im 5'7 and we both think we have big heads).
I think the head measurment was small last time but they didnt mention it directly. I feel so disempowered. The artery flow isnt great and the right side has got worse. She also measured for the first time, the cerebral flow - it was off the chart (out of the parameters) as was the placenta flow? reading.
I had a small vision disturbance yesterday in a meeting after school. It was tiny but it happened - I was sitting down and the girls face kind of warbled. I cant describe it better than that. I see the midwife on Wednesday so I will wait till. then.
They booked me another scan in 3 weeks and told me to make an appointment to see my concultant within 2 weeks, so Im booked for Monday. (Apparently, no one else can see me because Im on his list even though he is going on holiday. What if I need to see him again?)
I hate going for the scans. Everytime the news seems to get worse and worse.
I looked up small head and it can be related to a syndrome - very small babies with half a head with compromised intelligence. Or just with compromised intelligence or restricted growth. Im very worried and have to wait for 6 days to even discuss it further. I cant stop crying. I dont even feel pregnant now...
Symptoms - some movement
I think the head measurment was small last time but they didnt mention it directly. I feel so disempowered. The artery flow isnt great and the right side has got worse. She also measured for the first time, the cerebral flow - it was off the chart (out of the parameters) as was the placenta flow? reading.
I had a small vision disturbance yesterday in a meeting after school. It was tiny but it happened - I was sitting down and the girls face kind of warbled. I cant describe it better than that. I see the midwife on Wednesday so I will wait till. then.
They booked me another scan in 3 weeks and told me to make an appointment to see my concultant within 2 weeks, so Im booked for Monday. (Apparently, no one else can see me because Im on his list even though he is going on holiday. What if I need to see him again?)
I hate going for the scans. Everytime the news seems to get worse and worse.
I looked up small head and it can be related to a syndrome - very small babies with half a head with compromised intelligence. Or just with compromised intelligence or restricted growth. Im very worried and have to wait for 6 days to even discuss it further. I cant stop crying. I dont even feel pregnant now...
Symptoms - some movement
Monday 13 June 2011
22 weeks 3 days pregnant - consultant appointment high blood pressure
I had my consultant appointment today. It went okay but because of the increased artery pressure into the placenta and the high blood pressure reading (135/91) I now have to go every week to have my blood pressure checked! Its such a long journey to my midwife - it takes me half a day. I went to the hospital today (which is the same distance just walking in the opposite direction) and I have come back and slept for 3 hours - totally worn out. That cant be good.
Anyway, the consultant says I can split visits between the doctors and the midwife if that helps but approaching the doctors for such a simple test makes me nervous. Anyway, I keep going. Its upsetting though, every appointment just feels like another problem.
I have also put on over a stone in weight. On my first visit the consultant said not to put anymore weight. I was carefully weighing myself and maintaining my weight until about 3 weeks ago. I weighed myself again in anticipation of going back and a stone had jumped on from nowhere. Anyway, Im to look out for pain in the diaphram, stars, blurred vision, dizziness. What do I do if I experience any of these? Ring him? He's on holiday for 3 weeks. I dont understand this system nor the care, nor anything really.
Symptoms = nausea (still) especially if I miss a meal, shortness of breath, baby girl kicking
Anyway, the consultant says I can split visits between the doctors and the midwife if that helps but approaching the doctors for such a simple test makes me nervous. Anyway, I keep going. Its upsetting though, every appointment just feels like another problem.
I have also put on over a stone in weight. On my first visit the consultant said not to put anymore weight. I was carefully weighing myself and maintaining my weight until about 3 weeks ago. I weighed myself again in anticipation of going back and a stone had jumped on from nowhere. Anyway, Im to look out for pain in the diaphram, stars, blurred vision, dizziness. What do I do if I experience any of these? Ring him? He's on holiday for 3 weeks. I dont understand this system nor the care, nor anything really.
Symptoms = nausea (still) especially if I miss a meal, shortness of breath, baby girl kicking
Saturday 28 May 2011
20 weeks pregnant - scan and doppler scan
I had my 20 week scan yesterday. It wasnt the best scan experience as the patient screen was broken so I could only catch glimpses by doing crunches. I thought it was more important that she measured accurately so I didnt press to see.
The doppler scan showed a notch on one side of the umbilical cord. This of course corresponds with my low papp-a score at the 12 week scan. Apparently those with low hcg as well have an even higher risk of low birth weight, fetal death, premature babies. It never stops does it... the worry, the problems. Of course I expected this was the case but now it feels very frightening. I will ring the midwife on Tuesday (its bank holiday here on Monday) and see if I can move my appointment forward. I want someone to explain the results. The paperwork puts me in the lowest percentile for growth for the biparietal diameter (this is the lowest), the head circumference and the femur length. Only the abdominal circumference is just above the average line. The sonographer didnt say this was small but it seems apparent to me. I found a site where I could enter these figures and it showed that I am on average 19weeks, a week behind where I should be.
The sonographer found no soft markers for downs so we are good to our word and will not have an invasive test. She said only 50% of babies with down syndrome show any markers and our odds are unchanged.
In my heart i have always felt that the baby wouldnt have ds but would would be born early and small.
Hang in there my lovely and take all that you can take from me.
It hasnt helped that I have a craving for licorice and looked it up to find that it should be avoided in pregnancy. That it leads to premature birth and low birth weight!!!! I have of course stopped taking it but I just hope I havent done any damage.
We were told again that it was a girl - yes! And we have another scan in 4 weeks. Do I stop worryng till then?
The baby wasnt very active at the scan which has worried me more. My tummy still hasnt drawn any attention at work (although I am wearing drapping clothes).
Oh, this is a bumpy ride.
Symptoms = indigestion, growing bbs, sore nipples, stetched stomach, wind
The doppler scan showed a notch on one side of the umbilical cord. This of course corresponds with my low papp-a score at the 12 week scan. Apparently those with low hcg as well have an even higher risk of low birth weight, fetal death, premature babies. It never stops does it... the worry, the problems. Of course I expected this was the case but now it feels very frightening. I will ring the midwife on Tuesday (its bank holiday here on Monday) and see if I can move my appointment forward. I want someone to explain the results. The paperwork puts me in the lowest percentile for growth for the biparietal diameter (this is the lowest), the head circumference and the femur length. Only the abdominal circumference is just above the average line. The sonographer didnt say this was small but it seems apparent to me. I found a site where I could enter these figures and it showed that I am on average 19weeks, a week behind where I should be.
The sonographer found no soft markers for downs so we are good to our word and will not have an invasive test. She said only 50% of babies with down syndrome show any markers and our odds are unchanged.
In my heart i have always felt that the baby wouldnt have ds but would would be born early and small.
Hang in there my lovely and take all that you can take from me.
It hasnt helped that I have a craving for licorice and looked it up to find that it should be avoided in pregnancy. That it leads to premature birth and low birth weight!!!! I have of course stopped taking it but I just hope I havent done any damage.
We were told again that it was a girl - yes! And we have another scan in 4 weeks. Do I stop worryng till then?
The baby wasnt very active at the scan which has worried me more. My tummy still hasnt drawn any attention at work (although I am wearing drapping clothes).
Oh, this is a bumpy ride.
Symptoms = indigestion, growing bbs, sore nipples, stetched stomach, wind
Tuesday 17 May 2011
18 weeks 4 days pregnant - sickness and nose bleed
There is only 10 days to my 20 week scan and Im half way through my pregnancy. Isnt that amazing.
What isnt amazing is how I feel. Im off sick today. I went to bed early with a headache and was woken when DH came back in about nine. I was very disorientated. At some point after that I woke up again and my head was much worse. I called DH for a paracetamol and thats when I started vomitting. Vomitting then dry heaving, my nose began bleeding and I had to hold onto the bed because my head was spinning. It seemed to go on forever. I was crying and spluttering and covered in liquid (tears, snot, blood, bile) everything that could produce liquid on my head was doing so simultaneously.
I hate to say this, especially as I have worked so hard to get here, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. I feel guilty for saying or even thinking this but most days I feel unwell. Be it the foul taste in my mouth after I eat anything, feeling dizzy in the playground at the end of the day (wondering if I will stay on my feet), the headaches, the sickness or the stomach discomfort.
I suppose I imagined I would be an earth mother. You know, Id be a natural who would love every moment of pregnancy. Its come as a bit of a surprise to me. I feel stupid. It scares me that I feel like this. Its like Ive got on a rollarcoster and there is no way off. Not that I want to get off. Im just scared.
I cant wait for my baby to come but what if I find motherhood as hard as pregnancy. Maybe Ill start blooming soon.
On a separate note I spoke to my doctor today about the offer of shared care that was made to me when I was referred to St Thomas'. That would mean I could have midwife appointments at my doctors surgery. My last midwife appointment was at 3pm. I left at 2 to get there and because of the train connections, I got home at 5.30. My doctors is 6 mins from school and 10 minutes from home! Fingers crossed.
Symptoms = foul taste after eating, vomitting, nose bleed, trouble getting comfortable at night, headaches, lightheadiness
What isnt amazing is how I feel. Im off sick today. I went to bed early with a headache and was woken when DH came back in about nine. I was very disorientated. At some point after that I woke up again and my head was much worse. I called DH for a paracetamol and thats when I started vomitting. Vomitting then dry heaving, my nose began bleeding and I had to hold onto the bed because my head was spinning. It seemed to go on forever. I was crying and spluttering and covered in liquid (tears, snot, blood, bile) everything that could produce liquid on my head was doing so simultaneously.
I hate to say this, especially as I have worked so hard to get here, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. I feel guilty for saying or even thinking this but most days I feel unwell. Be it the foul taste in my mouth after I eat anything, feeling dizzy in the playground at the end of the day (wondering if I will stay on my feet), the headaches, the sickness or the stomach discomfort.
I suppose I imagined I would be an earth mother. You know, Id be a natural who would love every moment of pregnancy. Its come as a bit of a surprise to me. I feel stupid. It scares me that I feel like this. Its like Ive got on a rollarcoster and there is no way off. Not that I want to get off. Im just scared.
I cant wait for my baby to come but what if I find motherhood as hard as pregnancy. Maybe Ill start blooming soon.
On a separate note I spoke to my doctor today about the offer of shared care that was made to me when I was referred to St Thomas'. That would mean I could have midwife appointments at my doctors surgery. My last midwife appointment was at 3pm. I left at 2 to get there and because of the train connections, I got home at 5.30. My doctors is 6 mins from school and 10 minutes from home! Fingers crossed.
Symptoms = foul taste after eating, vomitting, nose bleed, trouble getting comfortable at night, headaches, lightheadiness
Tuesday 10 May 2011
17 weeks 3 days pregnant - level II scan gender
Well I went on Monday for a scan. We tried to time it for 16 weeks but with all the bank holidays it wasnt possible. DH met me and we went in together (last time I arrived early and was called early and he walked into the clinic as I walked out). We were looking for any physical markers that might show that there is an issue with the baby as I do not want any invasive tests without something physical to indicate it is necessary (the negative nuchal test wasbased on the blood tests only and this can be affected by ivf).
Anyway, the sonographer, who was lovely, couldnt see everything. What she saw was normal - femur length, head and tummy measurements, bladder, etc. She couldnt see the heart, kidneys, brain, etc. (sorry I dont have the paper with me). So based on the scan we will wait to the 20 week scan.
She did try and see the gender. She wasnt sure (she said things could be hiding) but she thought it might be a girl. Well I so want a heathly baby but after that I so want a healthy girl. I persuaded dh to tell me a few days before what he prefered and he said 'I would love a daughter'. How fantastic is that! So it could be a little girl! We will hopefully get it confirmed at the 20 week scan!
In the meantime she(?) has been kicking (she was very active on the scan) and I think I feel her everyday. Just light movements but definately the baby.
Symptoms = tender nipples (especially in the shower), larger darker nipples, sense of nanusea and some sharp pains in tummy when getting up or moving suddenly
Anyway, the sonographer, who was lovely, couldnt see everything. What she saw was normal - femur length, head and tummy measurements, bladder, etc. She couldnt see the heart, kidneys, brain, etc. (sorry I dont have the paper with me). So based on the scan we will wait to the 20 week scan.
She did try and see the gender. She wasnt sure (she said things could be hiding) but she thought it might be a girl. Well I so want a heathly baby but after that I so want a healthy girl. I persuaded dh to tell me a few days before what he prefered and he said 'I would love a daughter'. How fantastic is that! So it could be a little girl! We will hopefully get it confirmed at the 20 week scan!
In the meantime she(?) has been kicking (she was very active on the scan) and I think I feel her everyday. Just light movements but definately the baby.
Symptoms = tender nipples (especially in the shower), larger darker nipples, sense of nanusea and some sharp pains in tummy when getting up or moving suddenly
Thursday 5 May 2011
17 weeks pregnant - midwife appointment
Yesterday I had my first midwife appointment since the booking in appointment. Not much happened. We reviewed my blood tests - all clear (although I had to have another one as they neglected to test for something). Took my blood pressure, tested my urine and listened to the heartbeat. The midwife found the heartbeat quicker than I do at home but at least we were listening to the same thing.
On Monday I have the extra scan that the neo-natal unit (I think) booked for me after the test results. I have a friend on a forum who just got a 1:9 chance. She is going to a specialist on Harley Street to get a second opinion. I did consider doing this but because mine was mostly down to bloods I thought it would just be the calculation that changed. Hers was down to the nuchal fold of the baby and the bloods. Its hard but in one way its nice to have some company (although I wouldnt wish it on anyone).
All is well. Im not at the blooming stage yet although my finger nails look fantastic. Uncomfortable breast stuff. Sharp pains and tender nipples. The tiredness continues as does the sickness. My tummy is growing but I dont think anyone has spotted at work. Maybe after Monday I will feel more comfortable telling people.
Symptoms = tender nipples, sickness (reflux), bump
On Monday I have the extra scan that the neo-natal unit (I think) booked for me after the test results. I have a friend on a forum who just got a 1:9 chance. She is going to a specialist on Harley Street to get a second opinion. I did consider doing this but because mine was mostly down to bloods I thought it would just be the calculation that changed. Hers was down to the nuchal fold of the baby and the bloods. Its hard but in one way its nice to have some company (although I wouldnt wish it on anyone).
All is well. Im not at the blooming stage yet although my finger nails look fantastic. Uncomfortable breast stuff. Sharp pains and tender nipples. The tiredness continues as does the sickness. My tummy is growing but I dont think anyone has spotted at work. Maybe after Monday I will feel more comfortable telling people.
Symptoms = tender nipples, sickness (reflux), bump
Friday 29 April 2011
16 weeks pregnant today! Quickening
Well, Im 16 weeks pregant today.
I have been feeling flutterings in that part of my tummy for the last 2 weeks (regularly) although it was slightly earlier than that that I first, lying on my tummy in bed, felt the movement. I knew it was the baby as it felt like something light had passed over the inside of my tummy. It was light but definate. After that first touch I tried lying on my tummy every night but nothing. Now the flutterings are a regular happening and a prompt for me to say 'morning' to the baby.
I have a midwife appointment on Thursday and a scan the week after that when I hope to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I naturally want, with the scares of the tests, a heathy baby first and formost. After that, I would love a girl. If a boy comes then I shall be overjoyed. I suppose, rightly or wrongly I want to make up the mothering I never recieved (my mother gave me away at 5). Plus DH already has a son and it might help bring his son into the family (who thus far, after 7 years,I have not met). God willing it will be a healthy child.
No-one has guessed at school. Although, I did share with another girl who is having iui. I would hate for people to guess and not be the person to tell her. I know how it feels. I think my bump is quite apparent but perhaps to everyone I just look fat!
Symptoms = sore boobs (then nipples look sticky(?)), flutterings in tummy, pains from side of stomach, vomitting and or dry retching (the dog food triggers me, thinking about food, after eating, etc)
I have been feeling flutterings in that part of my tummy for the last 2 weeks (regularly) although it was slightly earlier than that that I first, lying on my tummy in bed, felt the movement. I knew it was the baby as it felt like something light had passed over the inside of my tummy. It was light but definate. After that first touch I tried lying on my tummy every night but nothing. Now the flutterings are a regular happening and a prompt for me to say 'morning' to the baby.
I have a midwife appointment on Thursday and a scan the week after that when I hope to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I naturally want, with the scares of the tests, a heathy baby first and formost. After that, I would love a girl. If a boy comes then I shall be overjoyed. I suppose, rightly or wrongly I want to make up the mothering I never recieved (my mother gave me away at 5). Plus DH already has a son and it might help bring his son into the family (who thus far, after 7 years,I have not met). God willing it will be a healthy child.
No-one has guessed at school. Although, I did share with another girl who is having iui. I would hate for people to guess and not be the person to tell her. I know how it feels. I think my bump is quite apparent but perhaps to everyone I just look fat!
Symptoms = sore boobs (then nipples look sticky(?)), flutterings in tummy, pains from side of stomach, vomitting and or dry retching (the dog food triggers me, thinking about food, after eating, etc)
Friday 8 April 2011
13 weeks pregnant today
I dont know how I feel about anything. I still havent been able to speak to the unit that gave me my scan but now school has broken up I will have more time.
Im 13 weeks today!
On Sunday, I go to to one steriod every other day. I have stopped all other medication.
Symptoms = breast tenderness, headache (thought they were getting better but they are still here), nausea, tiredness (extreme once 4pm comes), foul taste in mouth
Im 13 weeks today!
On Sunday, I go to to one steriod every other day. I have stopped all other medication.
Symptoms = breast tenderness, headache (thought they were getting better but they are still here), nausea, tiredness (extreme once 4pm comes), foul taste in mouth
Sunday 3 April 2011
12 weeks 3 day pregnant - low papp-a and hcg nuchal fold 1.6
Well I had my 12 weeks scan and tests on Friday 1st April. It wasnt great. The scan of the baby looked really good. The nuchal fold was 1.6mm which is okay. Apparently they like to see 1mm according to the sonographer. (Have you ever felt that one of these health professionals doesnt like you?) I have read lots of people that have a similar measurement who are considered to have a low risk. The baby also had a nasal bone - all good. The sonographer said that everything she saw looked normal.
Then the bloods came back. My papp-a (which I believe is the protein from the baby) was .34 which is LOW and my hcg came back as .67 which is also low. Apparently they are looking for at least 1 again. Low papp-a can cause other problems as, from my understanding, it measures the protein from the baby that enters into the mothers blood system. It can mean problems with the placenta if only low levels can get through, which leads to low birth weight, still birth, preclampsia, hypertension, etc.
Altogether it means I have a 1 in 67 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. When I remembered that the embryo was from an earlier cycle my chance went to 1 in 83. Its all so hard. Under 1 in 250 is considered bad odds.
DH and I had an earnest conversation at the hospital and eventually it got down to this, could he take me for an abortion, could I go for an abortion. The answer was no. The baby is living, growing and kicking. I dont know if we would cope with a disabled child - we are older and long term we wouldnt be able to provide the care. Oh and to deal with the lose of a child. I dont know.
For now we have opted for no more testing. Ive been the 1 percent before (when they cut my bladder when I had my fibroids removed). We might change out minds.
The ivf drugs can affect the readings but we shall see. Im going to ring them today.
On a positive note Ive stopped taking the pessaries and am weaning myself off the steriods, aspirin and ostradiol. One more day for ostradiol and two more weeks of the steriods.
Symptoms = headaches
Then the bloods came back. My papp-a (which I believe is the protein from the baby) was .34 which is LOW and my hcg came back as .67 which is also low. Apparently they are looking for at least 1 again. Low papp-a can cause other problems as, from my understanding, it measures the protein from the baby that enters into the mothers blood system. It can mean problems with the placenta if only low levels can get through, which leads to low birth weight, still birth, preclampsia, hypertension, etc.
Altogether it means I have a 1 in 67 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. When I remembered that the embryo was from an earlier cycle my chance went to 1 in 83. Its all so hard. Under 1 in 250 is considered bad odds.
DH and I had an earnest conversation at the hospital and eventually it got down to this, could he take me for an abortion, could I go for an abortion. The answer was no. The baby is living, growing and kicking. I dont know if we would cope with a disabled child - we are older and long term we wouldnt be able to provide the care. Oh and to deal with the lose of a child. I dont know.
For now we have opted for no more testing. Ive been the 1 percent before (when they cut my bladder when I had my fibroids removed). We might change out minds.
The ivf drugs can affect the readings but we shall see. Im going to ring them today.
On a positive note Ive stopped taking the pessaries and am weaning myself off the steriods, aspirin and ostradiol. One more day for ostradiol and two more weeks of the steriods.
Symptoms = headaches
Tuesday 29 March 2011
11 weeks 5 days pregnant - awake to 10.30
Yes its true! Last night I stayed awake until 1030pm. I had a deadline that I had failed to meet (a project review that was supposed to be in the previous day) so I was working on my computer and had to get it emailed last night but none the less 1030.
This morning it was harder to get out of bed but thats okay. I feel relatively normal.
Ive been using my doppler every couple of days and I think I can find the heartbeat. When I find it it is brief. Its not me thats moving or the doppler so I assume its the baby. Last night I found it for about 20 seconds. Then it faded out and disappeared.
Friday is approaching quickly (the date of my 12 week scan). I cant wait. Nervous. I just want to know everything is okay.
Symptoms = headache, ocassional pulling pains in tummy, quick to cry
This morning it was harder to get out of bed but thats okay. I feel relatively normal.
Ive been using my doppler every couple of days and I think I can find the heartbeat. When I find it it is brief. Its not me thats moving or the doppler so I assume its the baby. Last night I found it for about 20 seconds. Then it faded out and disappeared.
Friday is approaching quickly (the date of my 12 week scan). I cant wait. Nervous. I just want to know everything is okay.
Symptoms = headache, ocassional pulling pains in tummy, quick to cry
Thursday 24 March 2011
10 weeks 6 days pregnant
I went to my booking appointment yesterday. It was a male midwife but he was really nice and very welcoming. I came away with lots of booklets and information packs and the form I need to send in for my free medication (that I really want). He asked me to go to A&E about the heart palputations Ive been getting. (I thought they were linked to the tablets and it transpired Im right.)
I did feel a bit like an idiot going in but they gave me a hcg test and took blood. Later a man came to wheel me off for a chest x-ray. I was like 'what' I cant go for an x-ray. I couldnt believe they were sending me anyway after I made my objection I didnt see the porter again. Eventually, near to 8pm (I got there at 4ish) I said Im leaving. They said it was at my own risk but I signed the forms and left. They didnt even have a place for me to sit as a family of about 6 took over the 4 chairs in the waiting area. Anyway I was on the bus home when the doctor rang to say I had elevated something, but that it could be down to the medication. I stop the meds at week 12 so if it continues I can have more investigations.
So its the medication! Ouch, was truely knackered when I got home and am worried about the baby again with the ecg. Its a long wait to next Friday when I get my scan!
I wish I didnt have to go to school today.
Symptoms = headache, couldnt sleep,
I did feel a bit like an idiot going in but they gave me a hcg test and took blood. Later a man came to wheel me off for a chest x-ray. I was like 'what' I cant go for an x-ray. I couldnt believe they were sending me anyway after I made my objection I didnt see the porter again. Eventually, near to 8pm (I got there at 4ish) I said Im leaving. They said it was at my own risk but I signed the forms and left. They didnt even have a place for me to sit as a family of about 6 took over the 4 chairs in the waiting area. Anyway I was on the bus home when the doctor rang to say I had elevated something, but that it could be down to the medication. I stop the meds at week 12 so if it continues I can have more investigations.
So its the medication! Ouch, was truely knackered when I got home and am worried about the baby again with the ecg. Its a long wait to next Friday when I get my scan!
I wish I didnt have to go to school today.
Symptoms = headache, couldnt sleep,
Sunday 20 March 2011
10 weeks 3 days pregnant
I cant wait till Wednesday for my booking appointment. I might take my hand held doppler and ask nurse to help me find the heartbeat (although yesterday for a second or two I thought I found the heartbeat). It was a quite loud and much quicker than mine but Im not sure. I would like and expert to tell me its okay as I pick up so many different heart rates. I have read somewhere that the fast one is the babies heartrate and your heart rate together. What a pity they dont put that in the instructions.
Anyway I have to walk the hound this morning as dh left for work early.
Symptoms = headache (went to bed at 6 with it)
Anyway I have to walk the hound this morning as dh left for work early.
Symptoms = headache (went to bed at 6 with it)
Saturday 19 March 2011
10 weeks 1 day pregnant - doppler
Well my doppler arrrived today and I cant find the heartbeat. The lcd display registers something beating about 140 to 170 but it also registers something registering 60bpm (my heartbeat I suspect), something over 219 bpm and a whooshing sound (the placenta?). I cant hear the beat but maybe its a little early.
Ive come to bed with a headache. I went shopping with a friend today and it was lovely in the sunshine but as soon as I got in the headache began.
Symptoms = headache
Ive come to bed with a headache. I went shopping with a friend today and it was lovely in the sunshine but as soon as I got in the headache began.
Symptoms = headache
Thursday 17 March 2011
10 weeks pregnant today
Yeah! Ten weeks today!
I want to know about prenatal care, I want my urine tested, I want to know when my scan will be, I want my blood tested and after the high blood pressure I want my blood pressure tested again.
I rang St Thomas' yesterday and left a message. The operator thought that I should be okay to have my care there. I hope that this is the best thing as it is quite far from me. Going up there in an emergency is quite a trek. Anyway thats what Im doing.
DH has been walking the dog for me but he cant do it today so I have to get up and head to the park with the hound.
I gave notice to my counsellor last night. I have told him that next week will be my last session. Ive had enough and I just cant rush there anymore nor sit in the brightly lit room when my head it throbbing. (Although to be fair I think my head feels a little better this week.)
Symptoms = tummy pains (Im having them right now), tiredness, headache
I want to know about prenatal care, I want my urine tested, I want to know when my scan will be, I want my blood tested and after the high blood pressure I want my blood pressure tested again.
I rang St Thomas' yesterday and left a message. The operator thought that I should be okay to have my care there. I hope that this is the best thing as it is quite far from me. Going up there in an emergency is quite a trek. Anyway thats what Im doing.
DH has been walking the dog for me but he cant do it today so I have to get up and head to the park with the hound.
I gave notice to my counsellor last night. I have told him that next week will be my last session. Ive had enough and I just cant rush there anymore nor sit in the brightly lit room when my head it throbbing. (Although to be fair I think my head feels a little better this week.)
Symptoms = tummy pains (Im having them right now), tiredness, headache
Wednesday 16 March 2011
9 weeks 6 days pregnant - still tired
I have started to get nervous again. Mainly because I feel better. That, generally feeling sick and ill thing has subsided. I generally feel better. Im still tired. Last night I went to bed at about 8pm (I thought it was 9) and I feel asleep until 5.50 which is 10 minutes before my alarm went off.
Ive worked out that I am perky for about 5 days after a scan and after that I begin questioning my pregnancy again. (The doctors didnt help.)
I havent heard from the midwives yet but Ive seen on the website that I can contact them directly. So I will do that today. I want a bit of reasurrance and I want to know that my blood pressure is being monitored.
I brought a fetal doppler on line and with any luck that should be here soon. The earliest you can pick up a heartbeat is 10 weeks (which I am tomorrow) although some dont find one until 12 weeks. I think it depends on the quality of the doppler and mine is going to be second hand.
Symptoms = tiredness, pulls in stomach, veins more prominant on bbs
Ive worked out that I am perky for about 5 days after a scan and after that I begin questioning my pregnancy again. (The doctors didnt help.)
I havent heard from the midwives yet but Ive seen on the website that I can contact them directly. So I will do that today. I want a bit of reasurrance and I want to know that my blood pressure is being monitored.
I brought a fetal doppler on line and with any luck that should be here soon. The earliest you can pick up a heartbeat is 10 weeks (which I am tomorrow) although some dont find one until 12 weeks. I think it depends on the quality of the doppler and mine is going to be second hand.
Symptoms = tiredness, pulls in stomach, veins more prominant on bbs
Tuesday 15 March 2011
9 weeks 4 days pregnant - doctors appointment
Well the doctors appointment was a bit of a anti-climax. I was almost embarassed about my age so said, quite slyly that I am pregnant. She took my blood pressure - it was high. (Ive always had normal blood pressure except once when dh was in the room and the doctor said she was going to weigh me - then it shot up!) I said, "is that my age?" She said, "probably." Remind me never to do that again.
We talked about downs and the nauchal scan and that at my age I would be offered invasive tests - which I would probably refuse. Ho hum.
The pregnancy 'high' didnt last long!
Symptoms - stomoch pulling, headache, slight reflux
We talked about downs and the nauchal scan and that at my age I would be offered invasive tests - which I would probably refuse. Ho hum.
The pregnancy 'high' didnt last long!
Symptoms - stomoch pulling, headache, slight reflux
Monday 14 March 2011
9 weeks 3 days pregnant
The news is horrible with the tsunami in Japan. How awful for all those people. Its so scary. Yesterday I just burst out crying. I wasnt even thinking about the devastation in Japan but suddenly I just felt overwhelmed.
Its my doctors appointment tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. I think I felt less ill yesterday. Im not sure but is it okay now for symptoms to be decreasing?
Symptoms = emotional
Its my doctors appointment tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. I think I felt less ill yesterday. Im not sure but is it okay now for symptoms to be decreasing?
Symptoms = emotional
Sunday 13 March 2011
9 weeks 2 days pregnant
I woke up really excited today that Im 9 weeks 2 days pregnant.
I found a link last night that stated " Research has shown that if you see a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy, the chances of the pregnancy continuing are 78%. A heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks to 99.4%. So things could still go wrong, but as long as there is a heartbeat, the risk of mc decreases as the weeks go by" (M/C Association). So I have a 98% chance of this baby being born and being healthy.
Symptoms = as before
I found a link last night that stated " Research has shown that if you see a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy, the chances of the pregnancy continuing are 78%. A heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks to 99.4%. So things could still go wrong, but as long as there is a heartbeat, the risk of mc decreases as the weeks go by" (M/C Association). So I have a 98% chance of this baby being born and being healthy.
Symptoms = as before
Friday 11 March 2011
9 weeks 1 day pregnant
I feel much better after the scan. Especially seeing that the baby can move independently and that he or she isnt affected by the stomach pains. It was so beautiful. I have the picture by my bed.
Was up in the night with stomach pains but it didnt last long. I feel asleep without taking my prenatal so when I woke up later I took them with a glass or ribena and went back to sleep. Maybe?
I also wondered if my retroverted uterus could be responsible but I couldnt find any evidence online but I will ask the doctor on Tuesday. Anyway, until Tuesday.
Symptoms = tummy pain, headache
Was up in the night with stomach pains but it didnt last long. I feel asleep without taking my prenatal so when I woke up later I took them with a glass or ribena and went back to sleep. Maybe?
I also wondered if my retroverted uterus could be responsible but I couldnt find any evidence online but I will ask the doctor on Tuesday. Anyway, until Tuesday.
Symptoms = tummy pain, headache
Thursday 10 March 2011
9 weeks pregnant
Im 9 weeks pregnant. Tough night last night as I had to come back from scan, go to my counselling session (had to make him turn the lights off because I was blinded by them so we sat in the dark), then home, eat and bed.
Tired out. But 9 weeks pregnant!
Did I tell you I made an appointment with my doctor - so next Tuesday is my appointment.
Symptoms = tummy ache this morning, headache and light sensitivity, wind
Tired out. But 9 weeks pregnant!
Did I tell you I made an appointment with my doctor - so next Tuesday is my appointment.
Symptoms = tummy ache this morning, headache and light sensitivity, wind
8 weeks 6 days - scan
Yeah! We had our scan today and the baby obviously doesnt mind the pain in my stomach because he or she, was moving around in there. You could just about see arms and legs as the baby had turned to face the camera. Very beautiful. The heart was beating beautifully and we saw the backbone and the umbilical cord. It was very emotional.
I cried and I cried again when they signed us off into our doctors care. I saw the consultant and lots of the nurses and there was much love and hugs. They asked for me to let them know how we are going! It was very emotional but most of all was the baby, flicking his or her little legs. At only 2.4 cms still tiny.
We got a photo.
Symptoms = headache, light sensitivity, stomach pains, tiredness
I cried and I cried again when they signed us off into our doctors care. I saw the consultant and lots of the nurses and there was much love and hugs. They asked for me to let them know how we are going! It was very emotional but most of all was the baby, flicking his or her little legs. At only 2.4 cms still tiny.
We got a photo.
Symptoms = headache, light sensitivity, stomach pains, tiredness
Tuesday 8 March 2011
8 weeks 5 days pregnant - scan tomorrow
My scan is tomorrow and Im really nervous. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I will always be nervous. Perhaps you stop when you start feeling the baby move around and can give him or her a nudge if they havent moved for a little while.
Right now the changes seem so silent.
Please let it be okay tomorrow.
I read all my medication leaflets last night and they probably account for my all symptoms. Im not sure which medication is worst but the medication usually used to treat hrt and the steriods cause lots of symptoms that I am experiencing including heart palputations (they are scary but I never linked them to), indigestion, wind, blurred vision, headaches (although you should report these to a doctor as they may be a precursor to a larger heart problem). I will ask them at the hospital tomorrow.
It feels so far away. And even when tomorrow comes there is a long wait till the end of the day.
Symptoms = peeing more, tiredness
Right now the changes seem so silent.
Please let it be okay tomorrow.
I read all my medication leaflets last night and they probably account for my all symptoms. Im not sure which medication is worst but the medication usually used to treat hrt and the steriods cause lots of symptoms that I am experiencing including heart palputations (they are scary but I never linked them to), indigestion, wind, blurred vision, headaches (although you should report these to a doctor as they may be a precursor to a larger heart problem). I will ask them at the hospital tomorrow.
It feels so far away. And even when tomorrow comes there is a long wait till the end of the day.
Symptoms = peeing more, tiredness
Monday 7 March 2011
8 weeks 4 days pregnant
Well I got through the night only to be greeted with the stomach pains in the morning. So have spent quite a lot of time rocking on the sofa. Ooh this pregnancy business is hard. The not knowing what it happening. I might ring the hospital today and see what they say and whether they think that these pains are normal. I have of course asked already and maybe there isnt a conclusive answer.
My scan is getting closer and Im nervous. Im sure a heartbeat on this scan means the baby has a 90 something percent chance of survival. I could be wrong about that figure but I know its a significant percentage.
Symptoms = tummy pain
My scan is getting closer and Im nervous. Im sure a heartbeat on this scan means the baby has a 90 something percent chance of survival. I could be wrong about that figure but I know its a significant percentage.
Symptoms = tummy pain
Sunday 6 March 2011
8 weeks 3 days pregnant - up in the night
I was up in the night again with the stomach pain. Maybe its the prenatals (I started taking them at night rather than in the morning with all the other pills) and I might need to rethink the timing of them. Teatime?
I got up and paced a bit, made a mint tea, and then sat on the sofa until I could face going back to bed. What is this?
It feels like a long week ahead to the my scan on Thursday.
Symptoms = stomach pains, headache, light head, foul tasting mouth, some limited reflux
I got up and paced a bit, made a mint tea, and then sat on the sofa until I could face going back to bed. What is this?
It feels like a long week ahead to the my scan on Thursday.
Symptoms = stomach pains, headache, light head, foul tasting mouth, some limited reflux
8 weeks 2 days pregnant
Im a terrible pregnant woman!
That said, Im not really surprised, as Im a terrible sick person. Im a moaner. Poor dh but its the truth I dont feel well. The headaches, light sensitivity, wind, stomach pain, dizzyness, exhaustion....
I was pointed to some forums of women who took steriods during pregnancy and it transpires that they had, and were expecting reduced pregnancy symptoms. Firstly, I wish I knew that earlier and secondly if I feel this rotten with reduced symptoms, imagine how terrible I woul feel without them.
Symptoms = as above
That said, Im not really surprised, as Im a terrible sick person. Im a moaner. Poor dh but its the truth I dont feel well. The headaches, light sensitivity, wind, stomach pain, dizzyness, exhaustion....
I was pointed to some forums of women who took steriods during pregnancy and it transpires that they had, and were expecting reduced pregnancy symptoms. Firstly, I wish I knew that earlier and secondly if I feel this rotten with reduced symptoms, imagine how terrible I woul feel without them.
Symptoms = as above
Saturday 5 March 2011
8 weeks 1 day pregnant - the weekend
Im so relieved that its the weekend. Ive been very forgetful at school and some days wonder how I have made it through the day with a woozy head, sensitive eyes and a headache. I feel seasick.
I have another scan on Thursday and all being well I think I am transferred to the care of the NHS - welcome in one way but not in another.
Symptoms = stomach pains, headache, dizzyness, sick last night, watery cm
I have another scan on Thursday and all being well I think I am transferred to the care of the NHS - welcome in one way but not in another.
Symptoms = stomach pains, headache, dizzyness, sick last night, watery cm
Thursday 3 March 2011
8 weeks pregnant
Im 8 weeks pregnant today. Yeah! My next scan is on Thursday, so only 6 days to go. I dont know what I will do after that scan as Im sure the wait after that will be longer.
I dont even know what happens next - in regards to the ivf clinic. When will they sign me off to my doctors care?
Parents evening is over. I finished about 8.15 last night and got home by 8.40. So a late tea, watched a tv show and went to bed. At least that horrible headache didnt return. I was really tired at one point but resisted going straight to bed and I got my second wind.
Symptoms = veins on bbs, headaches/light-headiness, increased cm
I dont even know what happens next - in regards to the ivf clinic. When will they sign me off to my doctors care?
Parents evening is over. I finished about 8.15 last night and got home by 8.40. So a late tea, watched a tv show and went to bed. At least that horrible headache didnt return. I was really tired at one point but resisted going straight to bed and I got my second wind.
Symptoms = veins on bbs, headaches/light-headiness, increased cm
Wednesday 2 March 2011
7 weeks 6 days pregnant
Ooh, parents evening was last night. Towards the end I realised I had a headache. By the time I started driving home I was skinting at the oncoming headlights. I got in, ate a little something and headed to bed for a dark environment. Well I fell asleep, on and off. When I woke up I felt terrible - sea sick almost - with that woozy head and wanting to vomit. It was horrible. Luckily when I woke up this morning it had just about gone.
Tonight is another parents evening - this one is the long one. So I dont know how I will cope. Today I will take it as easy as I can and do my best to get through it.
Still no stomach problems last night!
Symptoms = I almost have no idea - headache, sea sickness, peeing, belching.
Tonight is another parents evening - this one is the long one. So I dont know how I will cope. Today I will take it as easy as I can and do my best to get through it.
Still no stomach problems last night!
Symptoms = I almost have no idea - headache, sea sickness, peeing, belching.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
7 weeks 5 days pregnant
Parents evening. Round one. (Theres another one tomorrow.)
Im tired and its only 7 o'clock in the morning. Ive just eaten my breakfast and my tummy has gone into spasm. Ive never had an uncomfortable relationship with food but that seems to be my general condition. My head hurts - well its fuzzy and it feels like the beginning of a headache and I hate parents evening.
Symptoms = tummy, headache, peeing alot
Im tired and its only 7 o'clock in the morning. Ive just eaten my breakfast and my tummy has gone into spasm. Ive never had an uncomfortable relationship with food but that seems to be my general condition. My head hurts - well its fuzzy and it feels like the beginning of a headache and I hate parents evening.
Symptoms = tummy, headache, peeing alot
Monday 28 February 2011
7 weeks 4 days pregnant - stomach pain came back
Last night the stomach pain came back majorly. Its morning and Im still suffering. I changed how I dealt with it this time. It happened in the night again and after rocking, trying to go to the loo and nothing, I got up and walked around and then made a mint tea. The walking helped, so did the mint tea. When I was able to go back to bed I propped myself up on a cushion for half an hour or so and could eventually lay down and go back to sleep.
I ate red meat last night - could that be a contributing factor? To be honest right now Im gently rocking. Im reassured that my baby was growing and his/her heart was beating when I was having this pain before so I hope Im not damaging the baby.
Its got to be digestive hasnt it? If the mint tea and walking managed to ease it a bit?
Symptoms = stomach pain, tiredness, lightheadedness
I ate red meat last night - could that be a contributing factor? To be honest right now Im gently rocking. Im reassured that my baby was growing and his/her heart was beating when I was having this pain before so I hope Im not damaging the baby.
Its got to be digestive hasnt it? If the mint tea and walking managed to ease it a bit?
Symptoms = stomach pain, tiredness, lightheadedness
Sunday 27 February 2011
7 weeks 3 days pregnant
At some point yesterday, with my head spinning, totally exhausted, and just feeling totally unwell, I felt the same panic I feel when getting on a fairground ride. You are on, strapped in maybe and the ride begins to slowly start and you realise that if you hate it there is no way off. I feel really upset with myself for thinking and saying this but its true. I am experiencing some panic. Ive worked so hard to get onto this ride and never thought about what it would be like if I actually got on and got to stay.
I got scared that I was feeling it more at my age and what would happen if gets more servere. Im back to school today and that is probably adding to the panic. This last holiday week at about 4 the exhaustion kicks in and of course I wont be in a position to do anything about it now. We will have to see.
I was wondering about my stomach. I wonder if the pain is coming from the fibroid removal which meant I had a stomach cut. Just a thought.
Symptoms = 1 reflux, sore stomach, extreme tiredness
I got scared that I was feeling it more at my age and what would happen if gets more servere. Im back to school today and that is probably adding to the panic. This last holiday week at about 4 the exhaustion kicks in and of course I wont be in a position to do anything about it now. We will have to see.
I was wondering about my stomach. I wonder if the pain is coming from the fibroid removal which meant I had a stomach cut. Just a thought.
Symptoms = 1 reflux, sore stomach, extreme tiredness
7 weeks 2 days pregnant
I have continued to take my prenatal in the evening and I feel better in the tummy for it although, in the morning, after eating, the pain does return. I feel better able to deal with it in my concious state so all is good.
My friend is having her blood test today to confirm whether her pregnancy is viable and I have everything crossed for her. She was having so many symptoms of pregnancy. I cant believe the way that nature works.
Im finding it impossible to concentrate on anything. I have so much work to do before school tomorrow and I have not got hardly any of it done. Today, somehow, Im going to have to pull it together or I will never get through the next week at work nor parents evening.
Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, fuzzy head, yesterday some reflux
My friend is having her blood test today to confirm whether her pregnancy is viable and I have everything crossed for her. She was having so many symptoms of pregnancy. I cant believe the way that nature works.
Im finding it impossible to concentrate on anything. I have so much work to do before school tomorrow and I have not got hardly any of it done. Today, somehow, Im going to have to pull it together or I will never get through the next week at work nor parents evening.
Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, fuzzy head, yesterday some reflux
Saturday 26 February 2011
7 weeks 1 day pregnant
Well what a day yesterday was. A girl on a forum who I have cycled with had her scan yesterday and they only found a sac. I really believed in her pregnancy. I still do and Im hopeful that it will still work out okay. She had so many symptoms; sickness and vomitting, tiredness, all the normal pregnancy signs. I hope she is okay. I found it really upsetting. I thought we would journey through the whole process together.
I asked at the hospital about the stomach pain and the nurse said it could be from the drugs or the pregnancy. I generally dont feel very well and I wonder if sickness is coming. I got through the night with no pain last night. For the first time yesterday I moved my prenatal to the evening. So in the morning I took the prescribed medication and an aspirin and in the evening I took the vitamins. I have had some pain this morning but not half as bad as it has been.
My head has been really uncomfortable, like Ive got a hangover, and I can promise I dont. I have loads of work to do before school on Monday and Ive left everything to the last minute! So thats the weekend. Catching up with school work if only I can find the focus.
Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, muffled head, tiredness
I asked at the hospital about the stomach pain and the nurse said it could be from the drugs or the pregnancy. I generally dont feel very well and I wonder if sickness is coming. I got through the night with no pain last night. For the first time yesterday I moved my prenatal to the evening. So in the morning I took the prescribed medication and an aspirin and in the evening I took the vitamins. I have had some pain this morning but not half as bad as it has been.
My head has been really uncomfortable, like Ive got a hangover, and I can promise I dont. I have loads of work to do before school on Monday and Ive left everything to the last minute! So thats the weekend. Catching up with school work if only I can find the focus.
Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, muffled head, tiredness
Thursday 24 February 2011
7 weeks pregnant scan and heatbeat
I had my scan yesterday. DH met me there and all is well. The baby has grown and the CRL (crown rump length) is now 8.3mm; almost a cm! The heart was beating although they didnt measure the beats. I get another scan in two weeks time when I will be 8 weeks 6 days. How exciting. After that I think Im signed off to regular pregnancy care! I dont think Im going to like that.
The clinic must be pleased as Im probably one of their oldest mums. 'Come on baby keep beating and keep growing'. A heatbeat detected at 6 weeks has something like a 70 something chance of survival, at 8 weeks it is 90 something so by my calculations (can you call that calcuations) at 7 weeks my baby has an 80% chance of survival. 'Come on my darling'.
DH and I held hands and watched the beating of the heart. We got a photo. I might see if I can upload the photo here - you are a beautiful blob.
Lots of confusion over my medication which soured the day, well not soured it, but meant that I spent over an hour eithing going between ACU and the pharmacy or sitting in the bowels of the building, under strip lighting waiting for my drugs. Its was the steriods. Apparently Ive been on them for a long time and they didnt want to issue them.
I got home just in time to go to my counselling session but I was so tired. So tired I couldnt even function. I left early, rushed home and lay on the sofa and although I didnt sleep I managed to rejuvenate enough to make a bit of tea before bed.
Oooh I have a new symptom! I was looking in the mirror before my shower and have noticed that veins have appeared on my breasts. They are more prominant than they ever were and go down into the nipple but start very clealy at the centre of my chest. It looked like the veins on a butterfly wing stemming out.
Im up now at 6 o'clock because of the tummy pains. Well not really. I got up to go to the loo, got back into bed and they started. I tried passing wind but found that lying down was uncomfortable so Im propped here on the bed watching tv and typing my blog when Id rather be sleeping still.
Symptoms = veins on bbs, stomach pain and wind, exhaustion
The clinic must be pleased as Im probably one of their oldest mums. 'Come on baby keep beating and keep growing'. A heatbeat detected at 6 weeks has something like a 70 something chance of survival, at 8 weeks it is 90 something so by my calculations (can you call that calcuations) at 7 weeks my baby has an 80% chance of survival. 'Come on my darling'.
DH and I held hands and watched the beating of the heart. We got a photo. I might see if I can upload the photo here - you are a beautiful blob.
Lots of confusion over my medication which soured the day, well not soured it, but meant that I spent over an hour eithing going between ACU and the pharmacy or sitting in the bowels of the building, under strip lighting waiting for my drugs. Its was the steriods. Apparently Ive been on them for a long time and they didnt want to issue them.
I got home just in time to go to my counselling session but I was so tired. So tired I couldnt even function. I left early, rushed home and lay on the sofa and although I didnt sleep I managed to rejuvenate enough to make a bit of tea before bed.
Oooh I have a new symptom! I was looking in the mirror before my shower and have noticed that veins have appeared on my breasts. They are more prominant than they ever were and go down into the nipple but start very clealy at the centre of my chest. It looked like the veins on a butterfly wing stemming out.
Im up now at 6 o'clock because of the tummy pains. Well not really. I got up to go to the loo, got back into bed and they started. I tried passing wind but found that lying down was uncomfortable so Im propped here on the bed watching tv and typing my blog when Id rather be sleeping still.
Symptoms = veins on bbs, stomach pain and wind, exhaustion
Wednesday 23 February 2011
6 weeks 5 days pregnant
Its my official scan today. How can I be so nervous. I had a scan only 4 days ago and yet Im scared. My baby has in excess of a 85% chance of survival as there was a heartbeat. Its just my previous experience. Put it aside - thats my advice to myself - that was yesterday and now is now. Live in the moment. If I can then I will just enjoy being pregnant. Thats my choice, to enjoy this pregnancy. I can as long as I dont stress about the future nor dwell on the past...
Ooh, my stomach is aggrivated by lemonade! Probably all fizzy drinks but definately lemonade. I had a glass yesterday and ouch, almost immediately. So for the rest of the day I avoided it and last night was the first night that I wasnt up with the pain.
Symptoms = tired suddenly and totally wiped out, peeing more, odd taste (of progesterone)
Ooh, my stomach is aggrivated by lemonade! Probably all fizzy drinks but definately lemonade. I had a glass yesterday and ouch, almost immediately. So for the rest of the day I avoided it and last night was the first night that I wasnt up with the pain.
Symptoms = tired suddenly and totally wiped out, peeing more, odd taste (of progesterone)
Tuesday 22 February 2011
6 weeks 4 days pregnant - trapped wind
Im on holiday but have been up in the night and just now with tummy discomfort. Im still passing wind constantly but this morning I was just able to go to the loo. It was difficult to go. I think Im constipated.
I tried prunes last night. Yuck! There is a reason I have never had them before. They came in a tin and looked like giant, shiny rabbit droppings. I was still willing to try them but it was the texture. No way. Maybe the juice. Ill pop to Sainsburys later.
I hope this pain is related to my bowels and not my womb. My scan is tomorrow and I just hope everything is okay. I will write a list of questions for the doctor/nurse and try and clarify what I can do to relieve it. All being well I only need to take the medication for another 5 half weeks as they take you off them at 12 weeks.
My babys placenta is working and he/she is feeding from me!!! How amazing is that.
Symptoms = wind, constipation, pulling sensation underneath, occasional needle sensation in breasts
I tried prunes last night. Yuck! There is a reason I have never had them before. They came in a tin and looked like giant, shiny rabbit droppings. I was still willing to try them but it was the texture. No way. Maybe the juice. Ill pop to Sainsburys later.
I hope this pain is related to my bowels and not my womb. My scan is tomorrow and I just hope everything is okay. I will write a list of questions for the doctor/nurse and try and clarify what I can do to relieve it. All being well I only need to take the medication for another 5 half weeks as they take you off them at 12 weeks.
My babys placenta is working and he/she is feeding from me!!! How amazing is that.
Symptoms = wind, constipation, pulling sensation underneath, occasional needle sensation in breasts
Monday 21 February 2011
6 weeks 3 days pregnant
Well after the drama of yesterday today has been an anti-climax. I was up in the night (between 2 and 4) with the same tummy pains. I spent much time on the loo trying to pass the wind and anything else. Lots of wind, not much else. My tummy is still tender on both sides but as the day has progressed it has begun to feel better. Ive upped my fluids and Ive been moving around - took the dog for a long walk and then went to the shops. (The only thing I brought was food. Some fruit to help with the fibre and some snacks.) I need to budge the blockage!!!
I am looking forward to the scan on Thursday. Can you believe it but Im a bit anxious that it wont still be there and beating on the second scan! Not majorly but enough. I dont think Im alone. I have read many threads and the worry persists, it just transfers to the next milestone.
Rang my friend who has also had ivf. She only tried once and gave up and she was was really pleased for me. She brought a tear to my eye. Her brother has just made her an aunt and she has been upset and within that found room to worry about me.
Symptoms = Swollen stomach, wind, tender breasts when pressed!
I am looking forward to the scan on Thursday. Can you believe it but Im a bit anxious that it wont still be there and beating on the second scan! Not majorly but enough. I dont think Im alone. I have read many threads and the worry persists, it just transfers to the next milestone.
Rang my friend who has also had ivf. She only tried once and gave up and she was was really pleased for me. She brought a tear to my eye. Her brother has just made her an aunt and she has been upset and within that found room to worry about me.
Symptoms = Swollen stomach, wind, tender breasts when pressed!
Sunday 20 February 2011
6 weeks 2 days pregnant - heartbeat
What a night!
After a steak supper and watching a film (the reader) with dh I went to bed about 10.00 last night.
At 4am in the morning I was up, with my knees gripped to my chest, rocking and trying to ease the pain in my stomach. I was in agony. I was hot, sweating and nothing I could do could relieve the pain. At some point in the night I managed to get back to sleep but when I woke up the discomfort continued. DH tried to hug me in the morning but I couldnt bear to be touched by him or by anything.
DH left for work about 9am and I sat on the sofa nursing my stomach. I had to eat something to take my tablets but the ache continued until it was even in my legs. After my m/c I was in panic. It wasnt quite burning like last time but it felt it was almost there.
I rang the local Accident and Emergency Departments and found that St Thomas's was open on a Sunday. I spoke to a nurse and she said that they would see me. So I made my way up. By the time I arrived they had just about closed their morning surgery. They took my blood pressure and a urine sample and I was told to grab something to eat and come back at two. The moving around and the journey to the hospital had eased much of the pain so Iwas happy enough to wait. I went to the canteen and ordered a jacket potato and cheese. As soon as I started eating the pain came back in my right side.
Im thinking at this point its digestive. Could I have gone to A&E with trapped wind?
I go back to the unit for my appointment. The A&E clinic is not like my regular clinic. They dont take photos and you dont have a screen. So Im lying on the bed and the nurse says, 'theres only one, its 5.6mm long and there is a heartbeat.' I couldnt believe what my ears had just heard and I yelped and immediately began to cry. The nurse went on to say she couldnt see anything wrong and asked me if I wanted to look. All this time Im crying but I pulled myself together and she turned the screen for a second or two, but in that short time I could see (what looked to me) a perfect blob with a flicker of a heartbeat. I couldnt believe it. She went off to see the consultant to see if I should cancel my scheduled appointment on Thursday but he told her I still should go. Im pleased about that as I want the photo, I want dh to see and I want 5 minutes to see my baby myself.
I cant believe it. After all these years of trying. 'Huston, we have a heartbeat.' Im overwhelmed.
Not twins then but a beautiful flickering blob.
When dh came home I showed him the report and he had a tear in his eye too.
Its amazing.
Im tired; lost so much sleep last night and the stress that went with the pain and the memories
Symptoms = tummyache (trapped wind?), swollen stomach, reduced breast tenderness (only when tweaked hard by me)
After a steak supper and watching a film (the reader) with dh I went to bed about 10.00 last night.
At 4am in the morning I was up, with my knees gripped to my chest, rocking and trying to ease the pain in my stomach. I was in agony. I was hot, sweating and nothing I could do could relieve the pain. At some point in the night I managed to get back to sleep but when I woke up the discomfort continued. DH tried to hug me in the morning but I couldnt bear to be touched by him or by anything.
DH left for work about 9am and I sat on the sofa nursing my stomach. I had to eat something to take my tablets but the ache continued until it was even in my legs. After my m/c I was in panic. It wasnt quite burning like last time but it felt it was almost there.
I rang the local Accident and Emergency Departments and found that St Thomas's was open on a Sunday. I spoke to a nurse and she said that they would see me. So I made my way up. By the time I arrived they had just about closed their morning surgery. They took my blood pressure and a urine sample and I was told to grab something to eat and come back at two. The moving around and the journey to the hospital had eased much of the pain so Iwas happy enough to wait. I went to the canteen and ordered a jacket potato and cheese. As soon as I started eating the pain came back in my right side.
Im thinking at this point its digestive. Could I have gone to A&E with trapped wind?
I go back to the unit for my appointment. The A&E clinic is not like my regular clinic. They dont take photos and you dont have a screen. So Im lying on the bed and the nurse says, 'theres only one, its 5.6mm long and there is a heartbeat.' I couldnt believe what my ears had just heard and I yelped and immediately began to cry. The nurse went on to say she couldnt see anything wrong and asked me if I wanted to look. All this time Im crying but I pulled myself together and she turned the screen for a second or two, but in that short time I could see (what looked to me) a perfect blob with a flicker of a heartbeat. I couldnt believe it. She went off to see the consultant to see if I should cancel my scheduled appointment on Thursday but he told her I still should go. Im pleased about that as I want the photo, I want dh to see and I want 5 minutes to see my baby myself.
I cant believe it. After all these years of trying. 'Huston, we have a heartbeat.' Im overwhelmed.
Not twins then but a beautiful flickering blob.
When dh came home I showed him the report and he had a tear in his eye too.
Its amazing.
Im tired; lost so much sleep last night and the stress that went with the pain and the memories
Symptoms = tummyache (trapped wind?), swollen stomach, reduced breast tenderness (only when tweaked hard by me)
Saturday 19 February 2011
6 weeks 1 day pregnant
Morning,
Not much to say today except its half term which means a week off school and I intend to value every second by putting my feet up or lying in in the mornings.
Late walks with the dog, meet a few people for dinner or tea and apart from that not very much. I might manage a trip to the cinema or theatre if I can get cheap tickets.
Symptoms = swollen tummy (less swollen today), burping, sore (stinging) bbs, digestive pain (what I thought was af/ovary pain is digestive as (not all) come after I have eaten)
Not much to say today except its half term which means a week off school and I intend to value every second by putting my feet up or lying in in the mornings.
Late walks with the dog, meet a few people for dinner or tea and apart from that not very much. I might manage a trip to the cinema or theatre if I can get cheap tickets.
Symptoms = swollen tummy (less swollen today), burping, sore (stinging) bbs, digestive pain (what I thought was af/ovary pain is digestive as (not all) come after I have eaten)
Thursday 17 February 2011
6 weeks pregnant
Yipee, Im 6 weeks pregnant! Im celebrating this number just because I am. In embryo terms I think it means that blood is definately flowing now, although I have yet to see. Im also celebrating having sore boobs, finally, not slightly tingly ones but tender to touch ones. All around the nipple and the surrounding breast tissue was sensitive even if I happened to brush against something. Ive just checked and they feel less sensitive now but yesterday ouch.
I went to a briefing yesterday and spent the day running around. Well last night, when I got home, I just couldnt function. Poor dh, I just sat on the sofa and demanded food and drink.
I must keep hydrated. Some afternoons I just dont drink and then try and catch up in the evening. Yesterday was one of those. No tea because the health and safety officer was on site, then running around in the afternoon because of this briefing, then trying to catch up in the evening.
I was so tired yesterday, I didnt even look on the internet, rather I just sat there in a coma watching tv until 9 when I took myself off to bed and went straight to sleep.
Symptoms = tired, swollen tummy, sore boobs
I went to a briefing yesterday and spent the day running around. Well last night, when I got home, I just couldnt function. Poor dh, I just sat on the sofa and demanded food and drink.
I must keep hydrated. Some afternoons I just dont drink and then try and catch up in the evening. Yesterday was one of those. No tea because the health and safety officer was on site, then running around in the afternoon because of this briefing, then trying to catch up in the evening.
I was so tired yesterday, I didnt even look on the internet, rather I just sat there in a coma watching tv until 9 when I took myself off to bed and went straight to sleep.
Symptoms = tired, swollen tummy, sore boobs
Wednesday 16 February 2011
22dp5dt 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant
Tomorrow I will be 6 weeks pregnant. How amazing is that.
All those changes that are happening inside and the blood should be flowing by now. I know my little bean implanted early as I got a positive test from day 4 (as faint as it was).
Im so tired but am relieved that half term is only two days away. I wish today was Friday as then I can relax and lie in a bit. I want to put my feet up, watch a movie, sleep in, take the dog for a long walk.
Symptoms = swollen tummy, peeing more regularly, some stinging nipples and slightly tender underneath my breasts
All those changes that are happening inside and the blood should be flowing by now. I know my little bean implanted early as I got a positive test from day 4 (as faint as it was).
Im so tired but am relieved that half term is only two days away. I wish today was Friday as then I can relax and lie in a bit. I want to put my feet up, watch a movie, sleep in, take the dog for a long walk.
Symptoms = swollen tummy, peeing more regularly, some stinging nipples and slightly tender underneath my breasts
Tuesday 15 February 2011
21dp5dt 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant
The most exciting thing I can say is that I have wind. I dont know if I ate anything funny but today I have wind.
I went on a course straight after school yesterday. I had to undo my trousers on the way home and I was really uncomfortable sitting at a desk (I kept rolling forwards and then leaning backwards) much to the annoyance of the girl sitting to the side of me, who was frantically trying to write everything down that came up on the interactive screen.
On the way home from the course I brought dh a shirt for valentines day. It has a small green and burgandy check on a white background. Its for Valentines day as I severly let the side down on the actual day. He brought us dinner, the night before, chocolates, flowers, a book and a card and I got him nothing. He is very fussy and I havent quite worked out yet if he really likes it. Really I shouldnt be spending money as Im in so much debt. I have to pay over £700 in credit cards a month just to clear one card so I can start work on the biggest and I just got another bill from the clinic for £850. Ouch. Where can I put that? I dress like shit, drive the oldest and uglest card in the school carpark and havent had a holiday in over 7 years (I cant think back any further than that).
Despite the above (which I compartmentalise), I feel so much better again this morning/yesterday. I wonder if it was that appointment that was upsetting me so much. Anyway, in just 5 days I will take myself off to the hospital and will hopefully hear the news that 'houston, we can see a heartbeat'. Im excited. Still there is fear but mostly Im excited.
Symptoms = peeing more frequently, swollen stomach, tiredness (I was always go early to bed but now as soon as my head touches the pillow Im out and if I dont get to bed by 9.30ish Im sleep where I sit).
I went on a course straight after school yesterday. I had to undo my trousers on the way home and I was really uncomfortable sitting at a desk (I kept rolling forwards and then leaning backwards) much to the annoyance of the girl sitting to the side of me, who was frantically trying to write everything down that came up on the interactive screen.
On the way home from the course I brought dh a shirt for valentines day. It has a small green and burgandy check on a white background. Its for Valentines day as I severly let the side down on the actual day. He brought us dinner, the night before, chocolates, flowers, a book and a card and I got him nothing. He is very fussy and I havent quite worked out yet if he really likes it. Really I shouldnt be spending money as Im in so much debt. I have to pay over £700 in credit cards a month just to clear one card so I can start work on the biggest and I just got another bill from the clinic for £850. Ouch. Where can I put that? I dress like shit, drive the oldest and uglest card in the school carpark and havent had a holiday in over 7 years (I cant think back any further than that).
Despite the above (which I compartmentalise), I feel so much better again this morning/yesterday. I wonder if it was that appointment that was upsetting me so much. Anyway, in just 5 days I will take myself off to the hospital and will hopefully hear the news that 'houston, we can see a heartbeat'. Im excited. Still there is fear but mostly Im excited.
Symptoms = peeing more frequently, swollen stomach, tiredness (I was always go early to bed but now as soon as my head touches the pillow Im out and if I dont get to bed by 9.30ish Im sleep where I sit).
Monday 14 February 2011
20dp5dt 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant
Well dh got me some poas in fact he got me 2 packs - one pack he brought and the other he accidently stole! He was panicing when I told him what he'd done. He went to Sainsburys, who are having a bit of a sale on poas. I told him that it was £8 for a twin pack. So off he goes, pulls the tests off the shelf and it is two actual packets stuck together. He scans them, pays for them and walks out. Of course as soon as I see it I realise he has an extra pack stuck on there. I know exactly how it happened because it happened to me, there were 3 or 4 packs stuck together and I had to pull them apart to buy them.
Well it did make me giggle.
Anyway, it was a Clearblue plus and I tested as soon I stopped laughing. The line came up immediately and it was the darkest line on there. Other posters have said their lines came up straight away and now I know what they mean. Its like magic - one second you are watching the liquid travel the length of the poas and the next 'hey presto' there is an intense blue line. There is definately no point testing again. I just need my scan.
I rang the hospital and it was the same lady scanning us so I have changed it to Thursday. I explained carefully that it was me - that it was such a horrible memory I just didnt want to put myself back there and indeed the nurse was really nice, she went out of her way for us, but I just couldnt do it. I will also take myself to Kings on Monday - so 6 more days to go.
Now Ive changed those arrangements and I know what Im doing I feel a bit better.
Symptoms = peeing more regularly (swollen stomach has reduced in size - as I can do my trousers up)
Well it did make me giggle.
Anyway, it was a Clearblue plus and I tested as soon I stopped laughing. The line came up immediately and it was the darkest line on there. Other posters have said their lines came up straight away and now I know what they mean. Its like magic - one second you are watching the liquid travel the length of the poas and the next 'hey presto' there is an intense blue line. There is definately no point testing again. I just need my scan.
I rang the hospital and it was the same lady scanning us so I have changed it to Thursday. I explained carefully that it was me - that it was such a horrible memory I just didnt want to put myself back there and indeed the nurse was really nice, she went out of her way for us, but I just couldnt do it. I will also take myself to Kings on Monday - so 6 more days to go.
Now Ive changed those arrangements and I know what Im doing I feel a bit better.
Symptoms = peeing more regularly (swollen stomach has reduced in size - as I can do my trousers up)
Sunday 13 February 2011
19dp5dt 5 weeks 3 days pregnant
Im convinced that lots of the tummy sensations are digestive. Not all of them but at least some. I always find digesting chinese food difficult; it always leaves a funny taste in my mouth and it always makes a hasty exit (if you know what I mean). Still last night I woke up with AF pains coming from just inside my hip bones. Its at times like these that you realise that you dont know enough about your physiology. It feels like the overaries are doing something. At the time, I was lying on my right side and the sensation continued until I propped my legs up. Why does it only happen at night?
I am pregnant, Im pregnant, Im pregnant. I am pregnant. There is no counter evidence just fear. As everyone tells me, when I let these fears out on the ivf forums, most women are just finding out that they are pregnant now. Symptoms kick in most frequently after the 6th week.
Today I will ring the hospital and find out who is doing my scan. I also think on Monday next, first day of half term, I will take myself to the gynae unit and get a scan. I will go on my own which is the way I really like to face my fears. Its sad for dh (if its good news) but in another way, by the time Wednesday appears we will be prepared and I will have time to compose myself before I tell him.
I would rather go in alone and to be fair dh hates the mess of emotions. He doesnt know what to do and prefers me calm and sane.
PS Ive asked dh to pick me up some more poas today. It might distract me.
Symptoms = AF pains in the night
I am pregnant, Im pregnant, Im pregnant. I am pregnant. There is no counter evidence just fear. As everyone tells me, when I let these fears out on the ivf forums, most women are just finding out that they are pregnant now. Symptoms kick in most frequently after the 6th week.
Today I will ring the hospital and find out who is doing my scan. I also think on Monday next, first day of half term, I will take myself to the gynae unit and get a scan. I will go on my own which is the way I really like to face my fears. Its sad for dh (if its good news) but in another way, by the time Wednesday appears we will be prepared and I will have time to compose myself before I tell him.
I would rather go in alone and to be fair dh hates the mess of emotions. He doesnt know what to do and prefers me calm and sane.
PS Ive asked dh to pick me up some more poas today. It might distract me.
Symptoms = AF pains in the night
Hormones
I can only think that today was driven by hormones. I felt terrible. I contribute to a forum and reading peoples responses had me in floods of tears. I watched two episodes of the ghost whisperer and cried, I watched americans next top model and cried. I started thinking that Id failed. I added my own emotional responses to the forum. Its been a tough day.
Later dh and I went out. We ate chinese in china town in advance of valentines day, which is tomorrow. It was nice getting out the house. We had crab in black bean sauce, duck with pancakes, salt and chilli squid and rice and noodles. Came out absolutely stuffed. Its kind of our restaurant. One of the first places we ever went out. So that was lunch and dinner. It is now repeating on me now of course.
I dont know why I am stressing as there is no real reason to believe that my cycle has failed, indeed the evidence so far is that it has suceeded.
Symptoms = swollen tummy (I think but another leggings day)
Later dh and I went out. We ate chinese in china town in advance of valentines day, which is tomorrow. It was nice getting out the house. We had crab in black bean sauce, duck with pancakes, salt and chilli squid and rice and noodles. Came out absolutely stuffed. Its kind of our restaurant. One of the first places we ever went out. So that was lunch and dinner. It is now repeating on me now of course.
I dont know why I am stressing as there is no real reason to believe that my cycle has failed, indeed the evidence so far is that it has suceeded.
Symptoms = swollen tummy (I think but another leggings day)
18dp5dt 5 weeks 2 days pregnant
Well, as my nan used to say 'the best intentions....' I have tried putting my fears aside and when Im out and busy I can but the rest of the time that is what Im thinking about and I know it is causing me stress. Right now, Im lying in bed, and feel a thronging pain mostly on my right side. A sort of AF pain that was also strong last night. I might have felt it because I was up (the dog had an upset stomach and got me up about 4 time) but this morning I still have it and the only way to relieve it is to raise my knees.
Best possible scenario is that it is my uterus stretching to accommodate my baby/babies. Worse case ....
I also have another concern. I have to have a scan at the hospital and I dont want to see the sonographer that I saw last time. I cant think about going back in that room with her. Its like a nightmare.
I have some choices. Next week I could take myself off to Kings to the gynae and early pregnancy unit. Any woman with concerns can be scanned there. I could go to the doctors (or maybe the unit) and get a blood test. Of course the scan will be most conclusive but if I go now I might not see a heartbeat and that is what happened last time. What I do need to do is to ring my clinic and find out who is scanning on the day of my appointment. Thats the first thing. I definately wont go for an early scan this week as there is a chance that I will feel worse (no heartbeat/fetal pole). I could ring the doctor and get the bloods but if the numbers arent high enough Im in the same position where only an ultrasound will tell me. So I think bloods are out - its only if it a good number that I am going to be reassured. I have a tilted uterus (its retroverted and high) and so it makes everything harder to see anyway.
Okay that sounds like a plan:
1. Ring clinic and see who will be scanning me for my scheduled appointment
2. Next week, if I still dont feel assured, go to Kings for an early scan
On a different note, I went to see the Kings Speech last yesterday. It was very good and brought a tear to my eye at the end.
Symptoms = Pain in uterus during night mostly on right, swollen tummy (although this is less evident as I have been wearing leggings)
Best possible scenario is that it is my uterus stretching to accommodate my baby/babies. Worse case ....
I also have another concern. I have to have a scan at the hospital and I dont want to see the sonographer that I saw last time. I cant think about going back in that room with her. Its like a nightmare.
I have some choices. Next week I could take myself off to Kings to the gynae and early pregnancy unit. Any woman with concerns can be scanned there. I could go to the doctors (or maybe the unit) and get a blood test. Of course the scan will be most conclusive but if I go now I might not see a heartbeat and that is what happened last time. What I do need to do is to ring my clinic and find out who is scanning on the day of my appointment. Thats the first thing. I definately wont go for an early scan this week as there is a chance that I will feel worse (no heartbeat/fetal pole). I could ring the doctor and get the bloods but if the numbers arent high enough Im in the same position where only an ultrasound will tell me. So I think bloods are out - its only if it a good number that I am going to be reassured. I have a tilted uterus (its retroverted and high) and so it makes everything harder to see anyway.
Okay that sounds like a plan:
1. Ring clinic and see who will be scanning me for my scheduled appointment
2. Next week, if I still dont feel assured, go to Kings for an early scan
On a different note, I went to see the Kings Speech last yesterday. It was very good and brought a tear to my eye at the end.
Symptoms = Pain in uterus during night mostly on right, swollen tummy (although this is less evident as I have been wearing leggings)
Saturday 12 February 2011
17dp5dt 5 weeks 1 day pregnant
Well, Im not sure I feel 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant as I dont have any dramatic symptoms. Still you read about lots of ladies who dont. I can choose how I respond to those lack of symptoms - I can either let it feed my fears or I can see myself as one of the lucky ones.
Ive spent a long time trying to develop spiritually but when I come to a moment like this I realise how far I still have to go. The principles that I can use when emotion is not present quickly disappear when you feel strongly. I must be more concious and work harder. Its fear I struggle with most, especially around becoming a mother.
Positively, right now Im pregnant. There is one or two babies growing and developing within me. I am bloated, a clear sign that something is different and that bloat affects my appitite, my bra size and the way I fit into my trousers. I chose to be a mother and my pregnancy tests tell me that its happening.
I keep telling people. At school a lady whose partner is also having ivf asked me how it was going. Im not good at lying anyway but started by saying I was still trying and ended up say I had a positive test. Her partner is having an ET on Sunday, tomorrow.
I believe that now is my time. Thats the truth but fear and past experience erode that sense until Im just left with desparation.
Symptoms = bloated stomach - resulting in lack of appetite, increased bra size, ill fitting clothes and I definately have started to have to leave lessons to go to the loo (at least twice a day at school) when normally I might only go once or go at the end of the day. Tingling nipples (mild but it happened last night)
Ive spent a long time trying to develop spiritually but when I come to a moment like this I realise how far I still have to go. The principles that I can use when emotion is not present quickly disappear when you feel strongly. I must be more concious and work harder. Its fear I struggle with most, especially around becoming a mother.
Positively, right now Im pregnant. There is one or two babies growing and developing within me. I am bloated, a clear sign that something is different and that bloat affects my appitite, my bra size and the way I fit into my trousers. I chose to be a mother and my pregnancy tests tell me that its happening.
I keep telling people. At school a lady whose partner is also having ivf asked me how it was going. Im not good at lying anyway but started by saying I was still trying and ended up say I had a positive test. Her partner is having an ET on Sunday, tomorrow.
I believe that now is my time. Thats the truth but fear and past experience erode that sense until Im just left with desparation.
Symptoms = bloated stomach - resulting in lack of appetite, increased bra size, ill fitting clothes and I definately have started to have to leave lessons to go to the loo (at least twice a day at school) when normally I might only go once or go at the end of the day. Tingling nipples (mild but it happened last night)
Thursday 10 February 2011
16dp 5dt 5weeks pregnant
Can you believe. Im 5 weeks pregnant. I found a better site in which I could use a pregnancy calculator and actually specify that I had a FET and whether it was a 3 or 5 day embryo. It calculated my official due date as 14th October 2011.
I was just trying to distract you with facts and figures....yesterday I caved...I had no intention when I left for work but on the way home I went via Sainsburys and got a... youve guessed it a poas. 'My name is Maxi and Im a poas addict.' Im busted.
I brought a Clearblue digital (these were the beginning of the end last time for me as I never got any higher than 2-3 when I should have been reading the maximum). Anyway, this is terrible but Im going to tell anyway to demonstrate how desparate I was. On Thursday nights I have counselling (Ive been going for about 2 years now). My symptoms have definately trailled off and Im left with the bloated tummy, the occassional twinge in the back and I think, discomfort under my breasts where my bra digs in. So I get home, let the hound out and give him his dinner. I go to the bathroom and pee in a cup to test the intensity of the sample. Decide its a great sample that I shouldnt waste so I cover it with cling film (glad wrap?) and take it with me in the car to the supermarket. I run in with a basket, pick up a poas and cover it with a bag of cotton wool (some families from my school use that supermarket). I take the test to the car and test my urine sample there in Sainsbury's carpark.
The result came up in about a minute 3+ which was great. I would have been happy with 2-3 as yesterday I was 4 weeks 6 days. On the Clearblue you have to add 2 weeks to the result so 2-3 would have meant I was between 4 and 5 weeks pregnant which is where I was. My result of 3+ means I have hcg numbers in excess of 5 weeks. So thats good and for now put my mind at rest.
The result disappears within 24 hours but I managed to snap a picture.
Symptoms = twinges in my back, swollen tummy (what can I still wear), discomfort under breasts, yesterday the briefiest sense of nausea (was it my imagination)
I was just trying to distract you with facts and figures....yesterday I caved...I had no intention when I left for work but on the way home I went via Sainsburys and got a... youve guessed it a poas. 'My name is Maxi and Im a poas addict.' Im busted.
I brought a Clearblue digital (these were the beginning of the end last time for me as I never got any higher than 2-3 when I should have been reading the maximum). Anyway, this is terrible but Im going to tell anyway to demonstrate how desparate I was. On Thursday nights I have counselling (Ive been going for about 2 years now). My symptoms have definately trailled off and Im left with the bloated tummy, the occassional twinge in the back and I think, discomfort under my breasts where my bra digs in. So I get home, let the hound out and give him his dinner. I go to the bathroom and pee in a cup to test the intensity of the sample. Decide its a great sample that I shouldnt waste so I cover it with cling film (glad wrap?) and take it with me in the car to the supermarket. I run in with a basket, pick up a poas and cover it with a bag of cotton wool (some families from my school use that supermarket). I take the test to the car and test my urine sample there in Sainsbury's carpark.
The result came up in about a minute 3+ which was great. I would have been happy with 2-3 as yesterday I was 4 weeks 6 days. On the Clearblue you have to add 2 weeks to the result so 2-3 would have meant I was between 4 and 5 weeks pregnant which is where I was. My result of 3+ means I have hcg numbers in excess of 5 weeks. So thats good and for now put my mind at rest.
The result disappears within 24 hours but I managed to snap a picture.
Symptoms = twinges in my back, swollen tummy (what can I still wear), discomfort under breasts, yesterday the briefiest sense of nausea (was it my imagination)
Wednesday 9 February 2011
15dp5dt
Well physically things are calmer. I am having the occasional twinge in the back. An awareness of my uterus? womb? (Im not quite sure what it is that Im feeling - it could all be digestive.) That heavy feeling is less strong. When I eat I feel some discomfort and this is often accompanied with a pull on my right side. My nausea has gone, my dry/overly wet mouth has gone and the cramping has gone.
What does that mean?
Im left with a swollen stomach, hot flashes (although the weather has changed significantly for the better and last night dh wanted to turn the heating off and I wanted it on). At school I get hot (but so is everyone else) and at times my underwear feels damp with persperation. Im having digestive pains (see above). I feel my bra is uncomfortably tight and I find myself pulling it away from the underside of my breasts through the day and last night, I unclipped it altogether for the drive home. This could be my imagination (I want to feel them growing). I feel at screaming at a few people (not sure how new this is).
What are you supposed to feel? On the website my weeks pregnant calculation is currently 4 weeks 5 days? Is that right? Should you get symptoms at this stage?
Still despite this disquiet I have not poas. I know what that can do to me!
I dont feel Im engaging much with my feelings this round but its true Im not. Its not concious but I know whats coming, the scans, and thats when the eletation was beheaded last time. I have moments of excitment but mostly I feel calm. Ive kind of stopped talking to dh a bit. At night, he comes in late (8 or 9) by then Im mostly tired and am thinking about bed but really I think its because I cant (or we cant) talk about this important happening. I know I dont want for him to see me excited (it was a long drop last time) and I dont want to get excited by doing the things that couples probably do all over the world at this time.
Symptoms = swollen tummy, digestive pains, hot flashes, occassional twinge in the back
What does that mean?
Im left with a swollen stomach, hot flashes (although the weather has changed significantly for the better and last night dh wanted to turn the heating off and I wanted it on). At school I get hot (but so is everyone else) and at times my underwear feels damp with persperation. Im having digestive pains (see above). I feel my bra is uncomfortably tight and I find myself pulling it away from the underside of my breasts through the day and last night, I unclipped it altogether for the drive home. This could be my imagination (I want to feel them growing). I feel at screaming at a few people (not sure how new this is).
What are you supposed to feel? On the website my weeks pregnant calculation is currently 4 weeks 5 days? Is that right? Should you get symptoms at this stage?
Still despite this disquiet I have not poas. I know what that can do to me!
I dont feel Im engaging much with my feelings this round but its true Im not. Its not concious but I know whats coming, the scans, and thats when the eletation was beheaded last time. I have moments of excitment but mostly I feel calm. Ive kind of stopped talking to dh a bit. At night, he comes in late (8 or 9) by then Im mostly tired and am thinking about bed but really I think its because I cant (or we cant) talk about this important happening. I know I dont want for him to see me excited (it was a long drop last time) and I dont want to get excited by doing the things that couples probably do all over the world at this time.
Symptoms = swollen tummy, digestive pains, hot flashes, occassional twinge in the back
Tuesday 8 February 2011
14dp5dt
Well I think I missed a day. Im not sure how but the header on the last post says Monday and it was definately Tuesday yesterday. I sound confused. Im not its just that the times are not accurate either. I am obviously posting on the other side of the pond and not on a UK site.
I dont get betas checked over here. My hospital just give me a poas hcg test and thats it. Of course (I say confidently) no one just does 1 test!! So you end up supplementing that test for the others that you buy from the supermarket. I still dont have any in the house but if the symptoms dont pick up I might have to.
Well my nausea seems to have passed! Yesterday hardly anything. I bit of belching after eating or drinking (Im not sure that that is not normal - after all when do you monitor belching apart from at the early stages of pregnancy) and today I am tight across my abdomen like Im swollen and my tummy is being forced out. I want the nausea back.
Symptoms = tiredness, tautness of tummy feeling of being full/swollen, belching ?
I dont get betas checked over here. My hospital just give me a poas hcg test and thats it. Of course (I say confidently) no one just does 1 test!! So you end up supplementing that test for the others that you buy from the supermarket. I still dont have any in the house but if the symptoms dont pick up I might have to.
Well my nausea seems to have passed! Yesterday hardly anything. I bit of belching after eating or drinking (Im not sure that that is not normal - after all when do you monitor belching apart from at the early stages of pregnancy) and today I am tight across my abdomen like Im swollen and my tummy is being forced out. I want the nausea back.
Symptoms = tiredness, tautness of tummy feeling of being full/swollen, belching ?
Monday 7 February 2011
12dp5dt Vomit
I vomitted. At approximately 4am this morning I woke up (overhot) and was overwhelmed by rising bile in my throat which ended up filling my mouth. A reason for any ivfer to celebrate. I have been feeling a bit sick in the throat (if that makes sense). It never made contact with my stomach but instead seemed to stem from around my adams apple. Since it happened its already turned into a dreamy memory, which Im questioning the potency of? But it did happen!
DH brought me flowers last night. The first ones in six years! Im touched. He hid them behind his back and produced them as we kissed.
Oh, I didnt get that job, which is probably a good thing but Im glad I went and I will ring tomorrow for more detailed feedback.
I want to tell everyone Im pregnant (a huge change from last time). Yesterday I actually told a friend. I question why I picked her over another friend. I really care about her but in a crisis (actually most times) she is pretty rubbish - she never calls, her responses can be appathetic but its who I felt comfortable with. I asked her if she would be a good friend and call me every week. We shall see. I think I chose her as she is most like the sister I never really knew. Our relationship is easy and honest.
Oh, I spoke to the hospital yesterday and I have my scan booked for 23rd February. Im not in a rush (last time I had it as early as possible) this time I dont want it to be the point where my dreams are shattered, so it can wait.
Well I dont have a poas in the house. No panic has set in so I am officially no longer a poas junky.
Symptoms = vomit/bile, tightness across lower back, pulling muscle inbetween thighs, heavy uterus (especially at night - this is the worrying symptom as it feels a bit like AF)
DH brought me flowers last night. The first ones in six years! Im touched. He hid them behind his back and produced them as we kissed.
Oh, I didnt get that job, which is probably a good thing but Im glad I went and I will ring tomorrow for more detailed feedback.
I want to tell everyone Im pregnant (a huge change from last time). Yesterday I actually told a friend. I question why I picked her over another friend. I really care about her but in a crisis (actually most times) she is pretty rubbish - she never calls, her responses can be appathetic but its who I felt comfortable with. I asked her if she would be a good friend and call me every week. We shall see. I think I chose her as she is most like the sister I never really knew. Our relationship is easy and honest.
Oh, I spoke to the hospital yesterday and I have my scan booked for 23rd February. Im not in a rush (last time I had it as early as possible) this time I dont want it to be the point where my dreams are shattered, so it can wait.
Well I dont have a poas in the house. No panic has set in so I am officially no longer a poas junky.
Symptoms = vomit/bile, tightness across lower back, pulling muscle inbetween thighs, heavy uterus (especially at night - this is the worrying symptom as it feels a bit like AF)
Sunday 6 February 2011
12dp5dt
Not quite a poas free day as I had one left over and this morning (in a weak moment) felt that it was better used and gone from the house that sitting there tempting me. Anyway, it was darker than Ive ever probably had a poas. Not as dark as the control line but dark enough for me.
Yesterday I had a tight lower back which I have woken up with again today. Just before Christmas, I was wallpapering the hallway when I overstretched and fell off the ladder. It took ages to settle down and its either that or another pregnancy symptom.
I left a message with the hospital today and DH has offered to go and get the prescription if indeed they ring me back. They are normally quite rubbish at calling me but we shall see. They wont know how many drugs I actually have so hopefully they will ring today.
Last night I almost forgot to take my pessary. It was only that DH woke me up when he came to bed that I suddenly realised I hadnt taken it. By then it was about 1.30 am. So this morning, with my 6am pessary, we are well topped up with progesterone but I have to be more careful in future. Because of the meds you take in a FET it is necessary to take progesterone as you dont ovulate or get a surge it takes a long time to build up a high enough level. Can you imagine coming this far and it ending because of something so stupid.
Anyway, Im late for work.
Symptoms = backache - pulling sensation across lower back, hot at night, some indigestion yesterday - burping basically.
Yesterday I had a tight lower back which I have woken up with again today. Just before Christmas, I was wallpapering the hallway when I overstretched and fell off the ladder. It took ages to settle down and its either that or another pregnancy symptom.
I left a message with the hospital today and DH has offered to go and get the prescription if indeed they ring me back. They are normally quite rubbish at calling me but we shall see. They wont know how many drugs I actually have so hopefully they will ring today.
Last night I almost forgot to take my pessary. It was only that DH woke me up when he came to bed that I suddenly realised I hadnt taken it. By then it was about 1.30 am. So this morning, with my 6am pessary, we are well topped up with progesterone but I have to be more careful in future. Because of the meds you take in a FET it is necessary to take progesterone as you dont ovulate or get a surge it takes a long time to build up a high enough level. Can you imagine coming this far and it ending because of something so stupid.
Anyway, Im late for work.
Symptoms = backache - pulling sensation across lower back, hot at night, some indigestion yesterday - burping basically.
Saturday 5 February 2011
11dp5dt
Well its official Im pregnant.
I know that there is a long way to go but Im putting the doubts of the past behind me. Just because the last cycle ended in a miscarriage does not mean that this one will and thinking that way may affect the result. So I putting them away. Im not being arrogant but thinking positively is important.
So pee sticks away! Im going to leave a message for the hospital as I need more drugs. I now have to up the dose of Oestradiol from 3 tablets a day to 4. The steriods continue as do the pessaries. Now Im pregnant all medication is free! In addition, I will not have to find another £5000 or so for another cycle. All I need to do now is to pay off my debts. To be honest that is going to take months. The good thing is that I wont be billed for this cycle until they sign me off which might not be for a couple of months. Then you get 30 days to pay and last time I paid half, waited for them to bill me again, then paid the remaining half the month after that.
Im pregnant, Im pregnant. I woke dh up to show him the poas. Of course we have been having positives for a little while now and his response was much like mine. We are happy but cautious - taking every day at a time.
I pulled out all my pregnancy tests to line them up only to find that the blue tests that show positive with a vertical cross line have disappeared. They all look like negative tests now. The only ones that have lasted are the pink Superdrug tests. I wanted them for my pregnancy scrap book.
What will I do if I get that job now? Ooh decisions - I love decisions as each is an option, a choice.
Symptoms = night sweats, heavy uterus
I know that there is a long way to go but Im putting the doubts of the past behind me. Just because the last cycle ended in a miscarriage does not mean that this one will and thinking that way may affect the result. So I putting them away. Im not being arrogant but thinking positively is important.
So pee sticks away! Im going to leave a message for the hospital as I need more drugs. I now have to up the dose of Oestradiol from 3 tablets a day to 4. The steriods continue as do the pessaries. Now Im pregnant all medication is free! In addition, I will not have to find another £5000 or so for another cycle. All I need to do now is to pay off my debts. To be honest that is going to take months. The good thing is that I wont be billed for this cycle until they sign me off which might not be for a couple of months. Then you get 30 days to pay and last time I paid half, waited for them to bill me again, then paid the remaining half the month after that.
Im pregnant, Im pregnant. I woke dh up to show him the poas. Of course we have been having positives for a little while now and his response was much like mine. We are happy but cautious - taking every day at a time.
I pulled out all my pregnancy tests to line them up only to find that the blue tests that show positive with a vertical cross line have disappeared. They all look like negative tests now. The only ones that have lasted are the pink Superdrug tests. I wanted them for my pregnancy scrap book.
What will I do if I get that job now? Ooh decisions - I love decisions as each is an option, a choice.
Symptoms = night sweats, heavy uterus
Today is the day
Today is the day. The dog woke me up wanting to go out the back. DH took him the first time but 5 minutes later he wanted to go again. These days once Im up Im up. Its impossible to get back to sleep. I feel my ovaries (why especially at night) and my temperature is definately up because when I woke up my forehead was covered with a thick band of sweat.
Anyway, I would have poas but at 1.30 in the morning it didnt look dark enough. By the time the morning comes it should be stronger.
My test has to come back positive today? After consistently testing positive. It does doesnt it? The doubt crept in because the test was fainter yesterday. Unless its perfect its never going to be good enough for me. I have always had the habit of focussing on the bad stuff. When I passed my driving test, all those years ago, I only really heard the fact that 'she was not sure that Id come to a complete stop at the stop sign.' It took me years to get over that massive critism!
Anyway, typing is sending me off to sleep so I shall put the laptop down and speak to you in the morning.
Symptoms = night sweats
Anyway, I would have poas but at 1.30 in the morning it didnt look dark enough. By the time the morning comes it should be stronger.
My test has to come back positive today? After consistently testing positive. It does doesnt it? The doubt crept in because the test was fainter yesterday. Unless its perfect its never going to be good enough for me. I have always had the habit of focussing on the bad stuff. When I passed my driving test, all those years ago, I only really heard the fact that 'she was not sure that Id come to a complete stop at the stop sign.' It took me years to get over that massive critism!
Anyway, typing is sending me off to sleep so I shall put the laptop down and speak to you in the morning.
Symptoms = night sweats
10dp5dt
Morning, a little later than normal. I had a horrible night. Felt like I was burning up. Woke up at 4 with the beginning of a headache, which I still have. I have of course found time to poas and it was positive (actually lighter than the day before but so was my pee - Im so obsessive I even monitor the colour of my pee - ouch).
If I didnt have a positive poas I would definately be thinking that AF was coming, indeed even with a positive test Im still stressing that AF is coming. You hear so much about chemical pregnancies. Could I have a chemical pregnancy with a positive test for 6 days? I dont think so but I dont know.
DH has just said that when he came to bed last night (I make the journey to bed about 9ish at the moment) that I had my hotwater bottle on my stomach! Well thats a no, no. You are not surposed to raise your basal temperature. He knows about these things and put it back by my feet where it was supposed to be. You know the Chinese put great stock in warm feet. Warm feet warm uterus. Cold feet therefore equates to a cold uterus and fertility problems. (You also have to keep your back or girth warm.)
IVF glossary of terms
FET - frozen embryo transfer
EC - egg collection
DH - dear husband (although we are not married)
POAS - pee on a stick
AF - Aunt Flo - your period
10dp5dt - Number - days post Number - day transfer eg 10 days post a 5 day transfer
OTD - official test date
BFP - big fat positive
Bfn - the opposite (you may have guessed that I am superstitious)
I will be checking on an ivf forum that I belong to today as it is the otd for a girl on a thread I contribute to. Sometimes girls post there results on line before they even tell there nearest and dearest. Its the interface. I happily typed my results on here before telling a living soul.
Symptoms = headache, burping, cramping in the night, hot hot hot
If I didnt have a positive poas I would definately be thinking that AF was coming, indeed even with a positive test Im still stressing that AF is coming. You hear so much about chemical pregnancies. Could I have a chemical pregnancy with a positive test for 6 days? I dont think so but I dont know.
DH has just said that when he came to bed last night (I make the journey to bed about 9ish at the moment) that I had my hotwater bottle on my stomach! Well thats a no, no. You are not surposed to raise your basal temperature. He knows about these things and put it back by my feet where it was supposed to be. You know the Chinese put great stock in warm feet. Warm feet warm uterus. Cold feet therefore equates to a cold uterus and fertility problems. (You also have to keep your back or girth warm.)
IVF glossary of terms
FET - frozen embryo transfer
EC - egg collection
DH - dear husband (although we are not married)
POAS - pee on a stick
AF - Aunt Flo - your period
10dp5dt - Number - days post Number - day transfer eg 10 days post a 5 day transfer
OTD - official test date
BFP - big fat positive
Bfn - the opposite (you may have guessed that I am superstitious)
I will be checking on an ivf forum that I belong to today as it is the otd for a girl on a thread I contribute to. Sometimes girls post there results on line before they even tell there nearest and dearest. Its the interface. I happily typed my results on here before telling a living soul.
Symptoms = headache, burping, cramping in the night, hot hot hot
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