Monday 28 February 2011

7 weeks 4 days pregnant - stomach pain came back

Last night the stomach pain came back majorly.  Its morning and Im still suffering.  I changed how I dealt with it this time.  It happened in the night again and after rocking, trying to go to the loo and nothing, I got up and walked around and then made a mint tea.  The walking helped, so did the mint tea.  When I was able to go back to bed I propped myself up on a cushion for half an hour or so and could eventually lay down and go back to sleep.

I ate red meat last night - could that be a contributing factor?  To be honest right now Im gently rocking.  Im reassured that my baby was growing and his/her heart was beating when I was having this pain before so I hope Im not damaging the baby. 

Its got to be digestive hasnt it?  If the mint tea and walking managed to ease it a bit? 

Symptoms = stomach pain, tiredness, lightheadedness

Sunday 27 February 2011

7 weeks 3 days pregnant

At some point yesterday, with my head spinning, totally exhausted, and just feeling totally unwell, I felt the same panic I feel when getting on a fairground ride.  You are on, strapped in maybe and the ride begins to slowly start and you realise that if you hate it there is no way off.  I feel really upset with myself for thinking and saying this but its true.  I am experiencing some panic.  Ive worked so hard to get onto this ride and never thought about what it would be like if I actually got on and got to stay. 

I got scared that I was feeling it more at my age and what would happen if gets more servere.  Im back to school today and that is probably adding to the panic.  This last holiday week at about 4 the exhaustion kicks in and of course I wont be in a position to do anything about it now.  We will have to see.

I was wondering about my stomach.  I wonder if the pain is coming from the fibroid removal which meant I had a stomach cut.  Just a thought.

Symptoms = 1 reflux, sore stomach, extreme tiredness

7 weeks 2 days pregnant

I have continued to take my prenatal in the evening and I feel better in the tummy for it although, in the morning, after eating, the pain does return.  I feel better able to deal with it in my concious state so all is good.

My friend is having her blood test today to confirm whether her pregnancy is viable and I have everything crossed for her.  She was having so many symptoms of pregnancy.  I cant believe the way that nature works.

Im finding it impossible to concentrate on anything.  I have so much work to do before school tomorrow and I have not got hardly any of it done.  Today, somehow, Im going to have to pull it together or I will never get through the next week at work nor parents evening.

Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, fuzzy head, yesterday some reflux

Saturday 26 February 2011

7 weeks 1 day pregnant

Well what a day yesterday was.  A girl on a forum who I have cycled  with had her scan yesterday and they only found a sac.  I really believed in her pregnancy.  I still do and Im hopeful that it will still work out okay.  She had so many symptoms; sickness and vomitting, tiredness, all the normal pregnancy signs.  I hope she is okay.  I found it really upsetting.  I thought we would journey through the whole process together.

I asked at the hospital about the stomach pain and the nurse said it could be from the drugs or the pregnancy.  I generally dont feel very well and I wonder if sickness is coming.  I got through the night with no pain last night.  For the first time yesterday I moved my prenatal to the evening.  So in the morning I took the prescribed medication and an aspirin and in the evening I took the vitamins.  I have had some pain this morning but not half as bad as it has been.

My head has been really uncomfortable, like Ive got a hangover, and I can promise I dont.  I have loads of work to do before school on Monday and Ive left everything to the last minute!  So thats the weekend.  Catching up with school work if only I can find the focus.

Symptoms = wind, stomach pain, muffled head, tiredness

Thursday 24 February 2011

7 weeks pregnant scan and heatbeat

I had my scan yesterday.  DH met me there and all is well.  The baby has grown and the CRL (crown rump length) is now 8.3mm; almost a cm!  The heart was beating although they didnt measure the beats.  I get another scan in two weeks time when I will be 8 weeks 6 days.  How exciting.  After that I think Im signed off to regular pregnancy care!  I dont think Im going to like that.

The clinic must be pleased as Im probably one of their oldest mums.  'Come on baby keep beating and keep growing'.  A heatbeat detected at 6 weeks has something like a 70 something chance of survival, at 8 weeks it is 90 something so by my calculations (can you call that calcuations) at 7 weeks my baby has an 80% chance of survival.  'Come on my darling'.

DH and I held hands and watched the beating of the heart.  We got a photo.  I might see if I can upload the photo here - you are a beautiful blob.

Lots of confusion over my medication which soured the day, well not soured it, but meant that I spent over an hour eithing going between ACU and the pharmacy or sitting in the bowels of the building, under strip lighting waiting for my drugs.  Its was the steriods.  Apparently Ive been on them for a long time and they didnt want to issue them. 

I got home just in time to go to my counselling session but I was so tired.  So tired I couldnt even function. I left early, rushed home and lay on the sofa and although I didnt sleep I managed to rejuvenate enough to make a bit of tea before bed.

Oooh I have a new symptom!  I was looking in the mirror before my shower and have noticed that veins have appeared on my breasts.  They are more prominant than they ever were and go down into the nipple but start very clealy at the centre of my chest.  It looked like the veins on a butterfly wing stemming out.

Im up now at 6 o'clock because of the tummy pains.  Well not really.  I got up to go to the loo, got back into bed and they started.  I tried passing wind but found that lying down was uncomfortable so Im propped here on the bed watching tv and typing my blog when Id rather be sleeping still.

Symptoms = veins on bbs, stomach pain and wind, exhaustion

Wednesday 23 February 2011

6 weeks 5 days pregnant

Its my official scan today.  How can I be so nervous.  I had a scan only 4 days ago and yet Im scared.  My baby has in excess of a 85% chance of survival as there was a heartbeat.  Its just my previous experience.  Put it aside - thats my advice to myself - that was yesterday and now is now.  Live in the moment.  If I can then I will just enjoy being pregnant.  Thats my choice, to enjoy this pregnancy.  I can as long as I dont stress about the  future nor dwell on the past...

Ooh, my stomach is aggrivated by lemonade!  Probably all fizzy drinks but definately lemonade.  I had a glass yesterday and ouch, almost immediately.  So for the rest of the day I avoided it and last night was the first night that I wasnt up with the pain.

Symptoms = tired suddenly and totally wiped out, peeing more, odd taste (of progesterone)

Tuesday 22 February 2011

6 weeks 4 days pregnant - trapped wind

Im on holiday but have been up in the night and just now with tummy discomfort.  Im still passing wind constantly but this morning I was just able to go to the loo.  It was difficult to go.  I think Im constipated.

I tried prunes last night.  Yuck!  There is a reason I have never had them before.  They came in a tin and looked like giant, shiny rabbit droppings.  I was still willing to try them but it was the texture.  No way.  Maybe the juice.  Ill pop to Sainsburys later.

I hope this pain is related to my bowels and not my womb.  My scan is tomorrow and I just hope everything is okay.  I will write a list of questions for the doctor/nurse and try and clarify what I can do to relieve it.  All being well I only need to take the medication for another 5 half weeks as they take you off them at 12 weeks.

My babys placenta is working and he/she is feeding from me!!!  How amazing is that.

Symptoms = wind, constipation, pulling sensation underneath, occasional needle sensation in breasts

Monday 21 February 2011

6 weeks 3 days pregnant

Well after the drama of yesterday today has been an anti-climax.  I was up in the night (between 2 and 4) with the same tummy pains.  I spent much time on the loo trying to pass the wind and anything else.  Lots of wind, not much else.  My tummy is still tender on both sides but as the day has progressed it has begun to feel better.  Ive upped my fluids and Ive been moving around - took the dog for a long walk and then went to the shops.  (The only thing I brought was food.  Some fruit to help with the fibre and some snacks.)  I need to budge the blockage!!!

I am looking forward to the scan on Thursday.  Can you believe it but Im a bit anxious that it wont still be there and beating on the second scan!  Not majorly but enough.  I dont think Im alone.  I have read many threads and the worry persists, it just transfers to the next milestone.

Rang my friend who has also had ivf.  She only tried once and gave up and she was was really pleased for me.  She brought a tear to my eye.  Her brother has just made her an aunt and she has been upset and within that found room to worry about me.

Symptoms = Swollen stomach, wind, tender breasts when pressed!

Sunday 20 February 2011

6 weeks 2 days pregnant - heartbeat

What a night!

After a steak supper and watching a film (the reader) with dh I went to bed about 10.00 last night. 

At 4am in the morning I was up, with my knees gripped to my chest, rocking and trying to ease the pain in my stomach.  I was in agony.  I was hot, sweating and nothing I could do could relieve the pain.  At some point in the night I managed to get back to sleep but when I woke up the discomfort continued.  DH tried to hug me in the morning but I couldnt bear to be touched by him or by anything.

DH left for work about 9am and I sat on the sofa nursing my stomach.  I had to eat something to take my tablets but the ache continued until it was even in my legs.  After my m/c I was in panic.  It wasnt quite burning like last time but it felt it was almost there. 

I rang the local Accident and Emergency Departments and found that St Thomas's was open on a Sunday.  I spoke to a nurse and she said that they would see me.  So I made my way up.  By the time I arrived they had just about closed their morning surgery.  They took my blood pressure and a urine sample and I was told to grab something to eat and come back at two.  The moving around and the journey to the hospital had eased much of the pain so Iwas happy enough to wait.  I went to the canteen and ordered a jacket potato and cheese.  As soon as I started eating the pain came back in my right side. 

Im thinking at this point its digestive.  Could I have gone to A&E with trapped wind?

I go back to the unit for my appointment.  The A&E clinic is not like my regular clinic.  They dont take photos and you dont have a screen.  So Im lying on the bed and the nurse says, 'theres only one, its 5.6mm long and there is a heartbeat.'  I couldnt believe what my ears had just heard and I yelped and immediately began to cry.  The nurse went on to say she couldnt see anything wrong and asked me if I wanted to look.  All this time Im crying but I pulled myself together and she turned the screen for a second or two, but in that short time I could see (what looked to me) a perfect blob with a flicker of a heartbeat.  I couldnt believe it.  She went off to see the consultant to see if I should cancel my scheduled appointment on Thursday but he told her I still should go.  Im pleased about that as I want the photo, I want dh to see and I want 5 minutes to see my baby myself.

I cant believe it.  After all these years of trying.  'Huston, we have a heartbeat.'  Im overwhelmed. 

Not twins then but a beautiful flickering blob.

When dh came home I showed him the report and he had a tear in his eye too. 

Its amazing. 

Im tired; lost so much sleep last night and the stress that went with the pain and the memories

Symptoms = tummyache (trapped wind?), swollen stomach, reduced breast tenderness (only when tweaked hard by me)

Saturday 19 February 2011

6 weeks 1 day pregnant

Morning,

Not much to say today except its half term which means a week off school and I intend to value every second by putting my feet up or lying in in the mornings.

Late walks with the dog, meet a few people for dinner or tea and apart from that not very much.  I might manage a trip to the cinema or theatre if I can get cheap tickets.

Symptoms = swollen tummy (less swollen today), burping, sore (stinging) bbs, digestive pain (what I thought was af/ovary pain is digestive as (not all) come after I have eaten)

Thursday 17 February 2011

6 weeks pregnant

Yipee, Im 6 weeks pregnant!  Im celebrating this number just because I am.  In embryo terms I think it means that blood is definately flowing now, although I have yet to see.  Im also celebrating having sore boobs, finally, not slightly tingly ones but tender to touch ones.  All around the nipple and the surrounding breast tissue was sensitive even if I happened to brush against something.  Ive just checked and they feel less sensitive now but yesterday ouch.

I went to a briefing yesterday and spent the day running around.  Well last night, when I got home, I just couldnt function.  Poor dh, I just sat on the sofa and demanded food and drink.

I must keep hydrated.  Some afternoons I just dont drink and then try and catch up in the evening.  Yesterday was one of those.  No tea because the health and safety officer was on site, then running around in the afternoon because of this briefing, then trying to catch up in the evening.

I was so tired yesterday, I didnt even look on the internet, rather I just sat there in a coma watching tv until 9 when I took myself off to bed and went straight to sleep.

Symptoms = tired, swollen tummy, sore boobs

Wednesday 16 February 2011

22dp5dt 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant

Tomorrow I will be 6 weeks pregnant.  How amazing is that.

All those changes that are happening inside and the blood should be flowing by now.  I know my little bean implanted early as I got a positive test from day 4 (as faint as it was). 

Im so tired but am relieved that half term is only two days away.  I wish today was Friday as then I can relax and lie in a bit.  I want to put my feet up, watch a movie, sleep in, take the dog for a long walk. 

Symptoms = swollen tummy, peeing more regularly, some stinging nipples and slightly tender underneath my breasts

Tuesday 15 February 2011

21dp5dt 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant

The most exciting thing I can say is that I have wind.  I dont know if I ate anything funny but today I have wind. 

I went on a course straight after school yesterday.  I had to undo my trousers on the way home and I was really uncomfortable sitting at a desk (I kept rolling forwards and then leaning backwards) much to the annoyance of the girl sitting to the side of me,  who was frantically trying to write everything down that came up on the interactive screen.

On the way home from the course I brought dh a shirt for valentines day.  It has a small green and burgandy check on a white background.  Its for Valentines day as I severly let the side down on the actual day.  He brought us dinner, the night before, chocolates, flowers, a book and a card and I got him nothing.  He is very fussy and I havent quite worked out yet if he really likes it.  Really I shouldnt be spending money as Im in so much debt.  I have to pay over £700 in credit cards a month just to clear one card so I can start work on the biggest and I just got another bill from the clinic for £850.  Ouch.  Where can I put that?  I dress like shit, drive the oldest and uglest card in the school carpark and havent had a holiday in over 7 years (I cant think back any further than that).

Despite the above (which I compartmentalise), I feel so much better again this morning/yesterday.  I wonder if it was that appointment that was upsetting me so much.  Anyway, in just 5 days I will take myself off to the hospital and will hopefully hear the news that 'houston, we can see a heartbeat'.   Im excited.  Still there is fear but mostly Im excited. 

Symptoms = peeing more frequently, swollen stomach, tiredness (I was always go early to bed but now as soon as my head touches the pillow Im out and if I dont get to bed by 9.30ish Im sleep where I sit).

Monday 14 February 2011

It is Tuesday!

PS It is not Monday - it is Tuesday at 6.47 in the morning.

20dp5dt 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant

Well dh got me some poas in fact he got me 2 packs - one pack he brought and the other he accidently stole!  He was panicing when I told him what he'd done.  He went to Sainsburys, who are having a bit of a sale on poas.  I told him that it was £8 for a twin pack.  So off he goes, pulls the tests off the shelf and it is two actual packets stuck together.  He scans them, pays for them and walks out.  Of course as soon as I see it I realise he has an extra pack stuck on there.  I know exactly how it happened because it happened to me, there were 3 or 4 packs stuck together and I had to pull them apart to buy them.

Well it did make me giggle.

Anyway, it was a Clearblue plus and I tested as soon I stopped laughing.  The line came up immediately and it was the darkest line on there.  Other posters have said their lines came up straight away and now I know what they mean.  Its like magic - one second you are watching the liquid travel the length of the poas and the next 'hey presto' there is an intense blue line.  There is definately no point testing again.  I just need my scan.

I rang the hospital and it was the same lady scanning us so I have changed it to Thursday.  I explained carefully that it was me - that it was such a horrible memory I just didnt want to put myself back there and indeed the nurse was really nice, she went out of her way for us, but I just couldnt do it.  I will also take myself to Kings on Monday - so 6 more days to go.

Now Ive changed those arrangements and I know what Im doing I feel a bit better.

Symptoms = peeing more regularly (swollen stomach has reduced in size - as I can do my trousers up)

Sunday 13 February 2011

19dp5dt 5 weeks 3 days pregnant

Im convinced that lots of the tummy sensations are digestive.  Not all of them but at least some.  I always find digesting chinese food difficult; it always leaves a funny taste in my mouth and it always makes a hasty exit (if you know what I mean).  Still last night I woke up with AF pains coming from just inside my hip bones.  Its at times like these that you realise that you dont know enough about your physiology.  It feels like the overaries are doing something.  At the time, I was lying on my right side and the sensation continued until I propped my legs up.  Why does it only happen at night?

I am pregnant, Im pregnant, Im pregnant.  I am pregnant.  There is no counter evidence just fear.  As everyone tells me, when I let these fears out on the ivf forums, most women are just finding out that they are pregnant now.  Symptoms kick in most frequently after the 6th week.

Today I will ring the hospital and find out who is doing my scan.  I also think on Monday next, first day of half term, I will take myself to the gynae unit and get a scan.  I will go on my own which is the way I really like to face my fears.  Its sad for dh (if its good news) but in another way, by the time Wednesday appears we will be prepared and I will have time to compose myself before I tell him.

I would rather go in alone and to be fair dh hates the mess of emotions.  He doesnt know what to do and prefers me calm and sane.

PS Ive asked dh to pick me up some more poas today.  It might distract me.

Symptoms = AF pains in the night

Hormones

I can only think that today was driven by hormones.  I felt terrible.  I contribute to a forum and reading peoples responses had me in floods of tears.  I watched two episodes of the ghost whisperer and cried, I watched americans next top model and cried.  I started thinking that Id failed.  I added my own emotional responses to the forum.  Its been a tough day.

Later dh and I went out.  We ate chinese in china town in advance of valentines day, which is tomorrow.  It was nice getting out the house.  We had crab in black bean sauce, duck with pancakes, salt and chilli squid and rice and noodles.  Came out absolutely stuffed.  Its kind of our restaurant.  One of the first places we ever went out.  So that was lunch and dinner.  It is now repeating on me now of course. 

I dont know why I am stressing as there is no real reason to believe that my cycle has failed, indeed the evidence so far is that it has suceeded. 

Symptoms = swollen tummy (I think but another leggings day)

18dp5dt 5 weeks 2 days pregnant

Well, as my nan used to say 'the best intentions....'  I have tried putting my fears aside and when Im out and busy I can but the rest of the time that is what Im thinking about and I know it is causing me stress.  Right now, Im lying in bed, and feel a thronging pain mostly on my right side.  A sort of AF pain that was also strong last night.  I might have felt it because I was up (the dog had an upset stomach and got me up about 4 time) but this morning I still have it and the only way to relieve it is to raise my knees.

Best possible scenario is that it is my uterus stretching to accommodate my baby/babies.  Worse case ....

I also have another concern.  I have to have a scan at the hospital and I dont want to see the sonographer that I saw last time.  I cant think about going back in that room with her.  Its like a nightmare.  

I have some choices.  Next week I could take myself off to Kings to the gynae and early pregnancy unit.  Any woman with concerns can be scanned there.  I could go to the doctors (or maybe the unit) and get a blood test.  Of course the scan will be most conclusive but if I go now I might not see a heartbeat and that is what happened last time.  What I do need to do is to ring my clinic and find out who is scanning on the day of my appointment.  Thats the first thing.  I definately wont go for an early scan this week as there is a chance that I will feel worse (no heartbeat/fetal pole).  I could ring the doctor and get the bloods but if the numbers arent high enough Im in the same position where only an ultrasound will tell me.  So I think bloods are out - its only if it a good number that I am going to be reassured.  I have a tilted uterus (its retroverted and high) and so it makes everything harder to see anyway.

Okay that sounds like a plan:

1.  Ring clinic and see who will be scanning me for my scheduled appointment
2.  Next week, if I still dont feel assured, go to Kings for an early scan

On a different note, I went to see the Kings Speech last yesterday.  It was very good and brought a tear to my eye at the end.

Symptoms = Pain in uterus during night mostly on right, swollen tummy (although this is less evident as I have been wearing leggings)

Saturday 12 February 2011

17dp5dt 5 weeks 1 day pregnant

Well, Im not sure I feel 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant as I dont have any dramatic symptoms.  Still you read about lots of ladies who dont.  I can choose how I respond to those lack of symptoms - I can either let it feed my fears or I can see myself as one of the lucky ones.  

Ive spent a long time trying to develop spiritually but when I come to a moment like this I realise how far I still have to go.  The principles that I can use when emotion is not present quickly disappear when you feel strongly.  I must be more concious and work harder.  Its fear I struggle with most, especially around becoming a mother. 

Positively, right now Im pregnant.  There is one or two babies growing and developing within me.  I am bloated, a clear sign that something is different and that bloat affects my appitite, my bra size and the way I fit into my trousers.  I chose to be a mother and my pregnancy tests tell me that its happening.

I keep telling people.  At school a lady whose partner is also having ivf asked me how it was going.  Im not good at lying anyway but started by saying I was still trying and ended up say I had a positive test.  Her partner is having an ET on Sunday, tomorrow. 

I believe that now is my time.  Thats the truth but fear and past experience erode that sense until Im just left with desparation. 

Symptoms = bloated stomach - resulting in lack of appetite, increased bra size, ill fitting clothes and I definately have started to have to leave lessons to go to the loo (at least twice a day at school) when normally I might only go once or go at the end of the day. Tingling nipples (mild but it happened last night)

Thursday 10 February 2011

16dp 5dt 5weeks pregnant

Can you believe.  Im 5 weeks pregnant.  I found a better site in which I could use a pregnancy calculator and actually specify that I had a FET and whether it was a 3 or 5 day embryo.  It calculated my official due date as 14th October 2011.

I was just trying to distract you with facts and figures....yesterday I caved...I had no intention when I left for work but on the way home I went via Sainsburys and got a... youve guessed it a poas.  'My name is Maxi and Im a poas addict.'  Im busted. 

I brought a Clearblue digital (these were the beginning of the end last time for me as I never got any higher than 2-3 when I should have been reading the maximum).  Anyway, this is terrible but Im going to tell anyway to demonstrate how desparate I was.  On Thursday nights I have counselling (Ive been going for about 2 years now).  My symptoms have definately trailled off and Im left with the bloated tummy, the occassional twinge in the back and I think, discomfort under my breasts where my bra digs in.  So I get home, let the hound out and give him his dinner.  I go to the bathroom and pee in a cup to test the intensity of the sample. Decide its a great sample that I shouldnt waste so I cover it with cling film (glad wrap?) and take it with me in the car to the supermarket.  I run in with a basket, pick up a poas and cover it with a bag of cotton wool (some families from my school use that supermarket).  I take the test to the car and test my urine sample there in Sainsbury's carpark. 

The result came up in about a minute 3+ which was great.  I would have been happy with 2-3 as yesterday I was 4 weeks 6 days.  On the Clearblue you have to add 2 weeks to the result so 2-3 would have meant I was between 4 and 5 weeks pregnant which is where I was.  My result of 3+ means I have hcg numbers in excess of 5 weeks.  So thats good and for now put my mind at rest.

The result disappears within 24 hours but I managed to snap a picture. 

Symptoms = twinges in my back, swollen tummy (what can I still wear), discomfort under breasts, yesterday the briefiest sense of nausea (was it my imagination)

Wednesday 9 February 2011

15dp5dt

Well physically things are calmer.  I am having the occasional twinge in the back.  An awareness of my uterus? womb? (Im not quite sure what it is that Im feeling - it could all be digestive.)  That heavy feeling is less strong.  When I eat I feel some discomfort and this is often accompanied with a pull on my right side.  My nausea has gone, my dry/overly wet mouth has gone and the cramping has gone.

What does that mean? 

Im left with a swollen stomach, hot flashes (although the weather has changed significantly for the better and last night dh wanted to turn the heating off and I wanted it on).  At school I get hot (but so is everyone else) and at times my underwear feels damp with persperation.  Im having digestive pains (see above).  I feel my bra is uncomfortably tight and I find myself pulling it away from the underside of my breasts through the day and last night, I unclipped it altogether for the drive home.  This could be my imagination (I want to feel them growing).  I feel at screaming at a few people (not sure how new this is).

What are you supposed to feel?  On the website my weeks pregnant calculation is currently 4 weeks 5 days?  Is that right?  Should you get symptoms at this stage? 

Still despite this disquiet I have not poas.  I know what that can do to me!

I dont feel Im engaging much with my feelings this round but its true Im not.  Its not concious but I know whats coming, the scans, and thats when the eletation was beheaded last time.  I have moments of excitment but mostly I feel calm.  Ive kind of stopped talking to dh a bit.  At night, he comes in late (8 or 9) by then Im mostly tired and am thinking about bed but really I think its because I cant (or we cant) talk about this important happening.  I know I dont want for him to see me excited (it was a long drop last time) and I dont want to get excited by doing the things that couples probably do all over the world at this time. 

Symptoms = swollen tummy, digestive pains, hot flashes, occassional twinge in the back

Tuesday 8 February 2011

14dp5dt

Well I think I missed a day.  Im not sure how but the header on the last post says Monday and it was definately Tuesday yesterday.  I sound confused.  Im not its just that the times are not accurate either.  I am obviously posting on the other side of the pond and not on a UK site.

I dont get betas checked over here.  My hospital just give me a poas hcg test and thats it.  Of course (I say confidently) no one just does 1 test!!  So you end up supplementing that test for the others that you buy from the supermarket.   I still dont have any in the house but if the symptoms dont pick up I might have to.

Well my nausea seems to have passed!  Yesterday hardly anything.  I bit of belching after eating or drinking (Im not sure that that is not normal - after all when do you monitor belching apart from at the early stages of pregnancy) and today I am tight across my abdomen like Im swollen and my tummy is being forced out.  I want the nausea back.  

Symptoms = tiredness, tautness of tummy feeling of being full/swollen, belching ?

Monday 7 February 2011

12dp5dt Vomit

I vomitted.  At approximately 4am this morning I woke up (overhot) and was overwhelmed by rising bile in my throat which ended up filling my mouth.  A reason for any ivfer to celebrate.  I have been feeling a bit sick in the throat (if that makes sense).  It never made contact with my stomach but instead seemed to stem from around my adams apple.  Since it happened its already turned into a dreamy memory, which Im questioning the potency of? But it did happen!

DH brought me flowers last night.  The first ones in six years!  Im touched.  He hid them behind his back and produced them as we kissed.

Oh, I didnt get that job, which is probably a good thing but Im glad I went and I will ring tomorrow for more detailed feedback.

I want to tell everyone Im pregnant (a huge change from last time).  Yesterday I actually told a friend.  I question why I picked her over another friend.  I really care about her but in a crisis (actually most times) she is pretty rubbish - she never calls, her responses can be appathetic but its who I felt comfortable with.  I asked her if she would be a good friend and call me every week.  We shall see.  I think I chose her as she is most like the sister I never really knew.  Our relationship is easy and honest.

Oh, I spoke to the hospital yesterday and I have my scan booked for 23rd February.  Im not in a rush (last time I had it as early as possible) this time I dont want it to be the point where my dreams are shattered, so it can wait.

Well I dont have a poas in the house.  No panic has set in so I am officially no longer a poas junky.

Symptoms = vomit/bile, tightness across lower back, pulling muscle inbetween thighs, heavy uterus (especially at night - this is the worrying symptom as it feels a bit like AF)

Sunday 6 February 2011

12dp5dt

Not quite a poas free day as I had one left over and this morning (in a weak moment) felt that it was better used and gone from the house that sitting there tempting me.  Anyway, it was darker than Ive ever probably had a poas.  Not as dark as the control line but dark enough for me. 

Yesterday I had a tight lower back which I have woken up with again today.  Just before Christmas, I was wallpapering the hallway when I overstretched and fell off the ladder.  It took ages to settle down and its either that or another pregnancy symptom.

I left a message with the hospital today and DH has offered to go and get the prescription if indeed they ring me back.  They are normally quite rubbish at calling me but we shall see.  They wont know how many drugs I actually have so hopefully they will ring today. 

Last night I almost forgot to take my pessary.  It was only that DH woke me up when he came to bed that I suddenly realised I hadnt taken it.  By then it was about 1.30 am.  So this morning, with my 6am pessary, we are well topped up with progesterone but I have to be more careful in future.  Because of the meds you take in a FET it is necessary to take progesterone as you dont ovulate or get a surge it takes a long time to build up a high enough level.  Can you imagine coming this far and it ending because of something so stupid.

Anyway, Im late for work. 

Symptoms = backache - pulling sensation across lower back, hot at night, some indigestion yesterday - burping basically.

Saturday 5 February 2011

11dp5dt

Well its official Im pregnant.

I know that there is a long way to go but Im putting the doubts of the past behind me.  Just because the last cycle ended in a miscarriage does not mean that this one will and thinking that way may affect the result.  So I putting them away.  Im not being arrogant but thinking positively is important.

So pee sticks away! Im going to leave a message for the hospital as I need more drugs.  I now have to up the dose of Oestradiol from 3 tablets a day to 4.  The steriods continue as do the pessaries.  Now Im pregnant all medication is free!  In addition, I will not have to find another £5000 or so for another cycle.  All I need to do now is to pay off my debts.  To be honest that is going to take months.  The good thing is that I wont be billed for this cycle until they sign me off which might not be for a couple of months.  Then you get 30 days to pay and last time I paid half, waited for them to bill me again, then paid the remaining half the month after that.

Im pregnant, Im pregnant.  I woke dh up to show him the poas.  Of course we have been having positives for a little while now and his response was much like mine.  We are happy but cautious - taking every day at a time. 

I pulled out all my pregnancy tests to line them up only to find that the blue tests that show positive with a vertical cross line have disappeared.  They all look like negative tests now.  The only ones that have lasted are the pink Superdrug tests.  I wanted them for my pregnancy scrap book.

What will I do if I get that job now?  Ooh decisions - I love decisions as each is an option, a choice.

Symptoms = night sweats, heavy uterus

Today is the day

Today is the day.  The dog woke me up wanting to go out the back.  DH took him the first time but 5 minutes later he wanted to go again.  These days once Im up Im up.  Its impossible to get back to sleep.  I feel my ovaries (why especially at night) and my temperature is definately up because when I woke up my forehead was covered with a thick band of sweat. 

Anyway, I would have poas but at 1.30 in the morning it didnt look dark enough.  By the time the morning comes it should be stronger. 

My test has to come back positive today?  After consistently testing positive.  It does doesnt it?  The doubt crept in because the test was fainter yesterday.  Unless its perfect its never going to be good enough for me.  I have always had the habit of focussing on the bad stuff.  When I passed my driving test, all those years ago, I only really heard the fact that 'she was not sure that Id come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'  It took me years to get over that massive critism! 

Anyway, typing is sending me off to sleep so I shall put the laptop down and speak to you in the morning.

Symptoms = night sweats
 

10dp5dt

Morning, a little later than normal.  I had a horrible night.  Felt like I was burning up.  Woke up at 4 with the beginning of a headache, which I still have.  I have of course found time to poas and it was positive (actually lighter than the day before but so was my pee - Im so obsessive I even monitor the colour of my pee - ouch).

If I didnt have a positive poas I would definately be thinking that AF was coming, indeed even with a positive test Im still stressing that AF is coming.  You hear so much about chemical pregnancies.  Could I have a chemical pregnancy with a positive test for 6 days?  I dont think so but I dont know.

DH has just said that when he came to bed last night (I make the journey to bed about 9ish at the moment) that I had my hotwater bottle on my stomach!  Well thats a no, no.  You are not surposed to raise your basal temperature.  He knows about these things and put it back by my feet where it was supposed to be.  You know the Chinese put great stock in warm feet.  Warm feet warm uterus.  Cold feet therefore equates to a cold uterus and fertility problems.  (You also have to keep your back or girth warm.)

IVF glossary of terms
FET - frozen embryo transfer
EC - egg collection
DH - dear husband (although we are not married)
POAS - pee on a stick
AF - Aunt Flo - your period
10dp5dt - Number - days post Number - day transfer eg 10 days post a 5 day transfer
OTD - official test date
BFP - big fat positive
Bfn - the opposite (you may have guessed that I am superstitious)

I will be checking on an ivf forum that I belong to today as it is the otd for a girl on a thread I contribute to.  Sometimes girls post there results on line before they even tell there nearest and dearest.  Its the interface.  I happily typed my results on here before telling a living soul.

Symptoms = headache, burping, cramping in the night, hot hot hot

Friday 4 February 2011

Phone Calls

Well I rang the hospital but I didnt get any joy, just managed to get past the rotweiller on the reception and actually got to speak to a nurse who said the same thing but said it very nicely.  She did confirm that because I had a FET (frozen embryo transfer) that there would be no drugs influencing the result and that a positive now is because of naturally occuring hpt from my body.

That sounds good to me.

I also phoned Bobby, my psychic.  That was a much more satisfying phone call.  I thanked her.  I was a mess when I went to see her.  It was October and I was miscarrying, my dh had left me to return to his ex wife and I couldnt get back to work.  She told me dh would come back (I secretly thought the same too), that I would get a positive poas this January and would have a successful pregnancy.  She thought it would be twins.  When I went to her I was a quivering mess.  I walked out her door and felt I could cope.  She thanked me for calling and said I had made her weekend when I told her she was the first person, dh aside, that I had told about my positive test.  She said ring her when the babies are born (although she wasnt as positive about it being twins) she said that there would be a healthy baby.  I told her dh had returned and life felt like it was in order.

Symptoms = some twinges in abdomen, sorry but its got to be done - burning nipples, burping especially after activity like climbing stairs, a taste of soap all day, sick burp this morning.

Thursday 3 February 2011

9dp5dt

Another day another poas.  I went to Superdrug yesterday who are doing 4 of their own brand (with one of the highest sensitivites at 10) for £7.99.  Apparently, according to a friend of mine, they go on sale because of the unplanned for and unprotected sex that people have over Christmas. 

Hopefully, with two more tests left and offical test date on Sunday, I wont be buying anymore.  By then I will be 3weeks and 4 days pregnant. 

I might try and ring the hospital again and this time try and speak to a nurse.  My last contact was with the 'secretary' who has no right to field calls.  I pay, we all pay, over £5,000 with drugs for that service and I would like to speak to a nurse. 

After professing that I have never tested early apart from this time, I think I was wrong.  I remember having a conversation with the hospital after getting a bfn and they were very quick to accept that result.  I have been testing positive for 5 days (only 5 days it feels likes weeks).  Anyway Sunday, is D-day and after that I will switch to a digital for the weeks checker.  I cant/wont allow myself to obsess anymore.  What will be wll be.  In fact maybe I should just avoid the digital, you know what happens then (you obsess again if it doesnt say the right number of weeks pregnant).  I dont need anything more to stress about.  "Let it go" is the best advice to myself.

Symptoms = Slight tension in lower back, headache yesterday (but was having an interview that lasted the whole day), tiredness - went to bed before 9 but was dropping off on the sofa before that.

Wednesday 2 February 2011

8dp5dt

Morning, Gosh it can get you quick.  The doldrums.  I was knocked off my feet with negativity yesterday.  The tests, the communication with the hospital and my previous experience.  Oh I long to see a bright line on the stick.  It would make it even more different to last time. Its so self destructive to think like that but is hard to avoid.  Its like I get ambushed by negative emotions.  I know I can forge through it but it takes energy.

My test today is another positive.  It appeared within 30 seconds and was, at time of testing almost as dark as the horizontal line (nothing like the control line).  Now 30 minutes later, its faded.  I can still see it but it is less clear.  I dont remember this happening last time - Im sure the tests held for longer.  There has been a significant change since I started testing (and since the cycle that resulted in a miscarriage) and Im going to focus on that.  The test on day 4 I could hardly see, 'is it there or isnt it,' just a hint of blue, the one of day 5 was clearer but only at a favourable angle, day 6 I could see without tilting (and today its still there although the vertical line has decreased from the strip to a thin line of colour), day 7 appeared early but had faded significantly after an hour or so, and today its there, no tilting, manipulating to see its just already faded and not nearly as intense as the control line.  Maybe its the make.  Im using Sainsburys early detection.  On top of that Ive tested twice in the day (not early morning pee which you should use if you are testing early) and both positive but again faded away after the window.

So many positives.  It could be much worse, they could be negatives!

My dog has just come out to peer at me and now he has returned to bed.  He just looked at me through the crack in the door. 

Anyway, I have an interview today so wish me luck!  If only I can find focus.

Hospital Call

Well I rang the hospital - they are so insensitive.  The lady I spoke to said "it might not stick so they will expect you to test on your test date."  I reiterated and she reiterated "in case it doesnt last."  So thats that, according to the clinic indeed I am not yet pregnant.

The thought of it not sticking sent me running home to poas - with her words ringing in my ears about it not lasting.  The line is still there but not dark - a good 2/3 fainter than the control line.

What do you think?  I wish I knew.

Tuesday 1 February 2011

7dp5dt poas continues

Its definately darker today but still pale.  I keep telling myself that its still early and that is why its pale.  Its just last time (when I had a delayed miscarriage) it was pale then too.  There is a significant difference.  Last time I first tested and got a pale result I was 18dp this time its 6 days earlier as Im only 12dp.  They are getting darker, today I didnt have to hold it up to the light / or rather find a favourable light to see it.  So I want to stay on the positive.

Last night I got a clearblue + and it came up positive.  Now I have to strain to see the line.  I hate the way I obsess about poas.  Anyway, no more testing until ... tomorrow!  You didnt think I could wait any longer than that did you.  Well I might get one of those digital tests.  It would be nice to stop squinting at my tests and just see the word.  If irrefutable.  Maybe thats what Ill do...?

Anyway Im going to say, after 3 days of testing and getting a positive, that I have a BFP!  I will call the clinic this morning and ask them if I should up my medication.  Im going to keep as positive as possible and try to leave the myriad of things that could go wrong out of my mind.

Symptoms = lower back pain most of yesterday pm and getting out of bed, boobs irritated by bra underneath