8dp5dt

Morning, Gosh it can get you quick.  The doldrums.  I was knocked off my feet with negativity yesterday.  The tests, the communication with the hospital and my previous experience.  Oh I long to see a bright line on the stick.  It would make it even more different to last time. Its so self destructive to think like that but is hard to avoid.  Its like I get ambushed by negative emotions.  I know I can forge through it but it takes energy.

My test today is another positive.  It appeared within 30 seconds and was, at time of testing almost as dark as the horizontal line (nothing like the control line).  Now 30 minutes later, its faded.  I can still see it but it is less clear.  I dont remember this happening last time - Im sure the tests held for longer.  There has been a significant change since I started testing (and since the cycle that resulted in a miscarriage) and Im going to focus on that.  The test on day 4 I could hardly see, 'is it there or isnt it,' just a hint of blue, the one of day 5 was clearer but only at a favourable angle, day 6 I could see without tilting (and today its still there although the vertical line has decreased from the strip to a thin line of colour), day 7 appeared early but had faded significantly after an hour or so, and today its there, no tilting, manipulating to see its just already faded and not nearly as intense as the control line.  Maybe its the make.  Im using Sainsburys early detection.  On top of that Ive tested twice in the day (not early morning pee which you should use if you are testing early) and both positive but again faded away after the window.

So many positives.  It could be much worse, they could be negatives!

My dog has just come out to peer at me and now he has returned to bed.  He just looked at me through the crack in the door. 

Anyway, I have an interview today so wish me luck!  If only I can find focus.