There is only 10 days to my 20 week scan and Im half way through my pregnancy. Isnt that amazing.
What isnt amazing is how I feel. Im off sick today. I went to bed early with a headache and was woken when DH came back in about nine. I was very disorientated. At some point after that I woke up again and my head was much worse. I called DH for a paracetamol and thats when I started vomitting. Vomitting then dry heaving, my nose began bleeding and I had to hold onto the bed because my head was spinning. It seemed to go on forever. I was crying and spluttering and covered in liquid (tears, snot, blood, bile) everything that could produce liquid on my head was doing so simultaneously.
I hate to say this, especially as I have worked so hard to get here, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. I feel guilty for saying or even thinking this but most days I feel unwell. Be it the foul taste in my mouth after I eat anything, feeling dizzy in the playground at the end of the day (wondering if I will stay on my feet), the headaches, the sickness or the stomach discomfort.
I suppose I imagined I would be an earth mother. You know, Id be a natural who would love every moment of pregnancy. Its come as a bit of a surprise to me. I feel stupid. It scares me that I feel like this. Its like Ive got on a rollarcoster and there is no way off. Not that I want to get off. Im just scared.
I cant wait for my baby to come but what if I find motherhood as hard as pregnancy. Maybe Ill start blooming soon.
On a separate note I spoke to my doctor today about the offer of shared care that was made to me when I was referred to St Thomas'. That would mean I could have midwife appointments at my doctors surgery. My last midwife appointment was at 3pm. I left at 2 to get there and because of the train connections, I got home at 5.30. My doctors is 6 mins from school and 10 minutes from home! Fingers crossed.
Symptoms = foul taste after eating, vomitting, nose bleed, trouble getting comfortable at night, headaches, lightheadiness
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