Well, its been a while. Where to start.
On the 20th, when I was 23 weeks 3 days pregnant, I went to my scan at the fetal medicine unit. I was anxious about it and after taking all the measurements the sonographer said that the baby had a small head. And that the head was below the 10th percentile (about 3). She booked me in for another scan in three weeks time and told me to see my consultant within 2 weeks.
The consultant appointment was on Monday, 27th. Can that be only 3/4 days away (its the middle of the night here). DH came with me as he said he just didnt understand either. I had suggested that the head was small to the previous sonographer at my 20 week scan. The small head cost so many tears as inuterine growth restriction problems are normally associated with a normal head (the baby pumps all the goodness to the head) and the other measurments are compromised. I could no longer deny, it seems that the baby would have down syndrom/Edwards or cal(something a syndrome that causes the head to be small and intelligence compromised). The baby also showed a small femur.
I rang the down syndrom advice centre and they said I could, based on my screening results and these small measurements, ask for a second opionion. She advised me to contact my doctor and be referred. This I did.
So on Monday we went to the consultant. It started, as normal with a blood pressure check - it was 140+ over 100+. The doctor said it was no longer ignorable and I have been told to stop work. I have been put on blood pressure tablets, which I am to take 3 times a day. They make me drowsy. After a couple of hours after taking them I fall asleep. I have no idea if they have lowered my blood pressure but I do feel much more relaxed.
They also tested my urine. There was gloucose in my urine. The doctor prescribed some blood tests to test my blood for gloucose and function tests of the liver and kidneys I think. I got a call yesterday from the diabetic clinic to say they needed to make an appointment urgently with me because there was lots of gloucose in my urine. So I go there next Tuesday to see if I am developing diabetes.
Then dh and I asked the doctor about the scan results. He asked again if it was a boy or a girl. I confirmed we were having a girl and he said good. Apparently girls have a better survival rate. I asked for an amnio as I said we could not ignore the small head and femur measurements and it now looks to me like it has to be a chromosone problem. He said 'its too late,' that in his opionion it is fetal growth restriction based on my high blood pressure and flow problems. He was nice about it, earnest even, but it felt like a hunch.
The consultant provided me with a letter to sign me off but it wasnt sufficient for school so I made an appointment to see my doctor to give me a certificate for school. I went this afternoon and she wrote the certificate until the 18th July. She wanted to do it longer but I said I preferred a review to see if I could go back. I also asked her about my second opionion referral, she said in all honesty it was probably waiting to be typed up. (I went to the doctors the previous week.) I asked for a copy as I would hand deliver it. She typed the letter there and then and I took it away. I took it directly to the fetal unit at Kings. It was very quiet there (all the consultants are away apparently on a conference). The receptionist wasnt sure if I could be seen there so took it away to see a midwife. She came back with the only remaining consultant who asked me why I wanted to be seen there. I explained about my down syndrome results, my call, the small head and femur that I wanted an amnio but was told no and that the whole thing was upsetting and I didnt understand and I just wanted to know.
She said she would scan me now!!!! She did. She asked do I know the gender. Yes I said (Ive been told twice its a girl). She said whats that then? Its a penis. My girl has a penis. My daughter is actually a son. She said that, to excuse her but she wouldnt rely on the measurements I had if they hadnt got the gender right. I know it sounds trival but that has been the only thing we have counted on. There may be no baby born, there may be problems but we ARE having a girl. We even did names. Even if the baby isnt born alive we would need a name now. I told people. I was pleased, dh was pleased. Now even the things we relied on can no longer be relied upon.
The consultant carefully took the measrements, the ones I was anxious about she took several times. She spent time explaining the results. She did not find a small head!! The head was nearer normal in size. The femur really is small - right at the edge of the measured line. Thats worrying but it all makes sense now. Now I really can believe that it could be restricted growth as it makes much more sense than it did before. It still could be down syndrome but it might not be.
Now I need to decide whether I should switch hospitals. I think I will go to my doctor again and discuss the results. Ive never been to my doctor so much in my life.
We bought clothes that were pink. Not that many but they are pink - we wanted to tell the world she was coming and she was going to be born. Its a lot to digest.
Symptoms = drowsy, headaches, baby moving
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
Monday, 20 June 2011
23 weeks 4 days pregnant - small head
It upsets me to even type small head into the computer. What does this mean? I had a scan yesterday to check growth and the head was found to be in the bottom 3 percentile. Apparently, they are not worried as long as it sits between 10 and 90 but anything over or under causes alarm bells. The fermur was also small. I think this has been consistently small (DH is 6'2 and Im 5'7 and we both think we have big heads).
I think the head measurment was small last time but they didnt mention it directly. I feel so disempowered. The artery flow isnt great and the right side has got worse. She also measured for the first time, the cerebral flow - it was off the chart (out of the parameters) as was the placenta flow? reading.
I had a small vision disturbance yesterday in a meeting after school. It was tiny but it happened - I was sitting down and the girls face kind of warbled. I cant describe it better than that. I see the midwife on Wednesday so I will wait till. then.
They booked me another scan in 3 weeks and told me to make an appointment to see my concultant within 2 weeks, so Im booked for Monday. (Apparently, no one else can see me because Im on his list even though he is going on holiday. What if I need to see him again?)
I hate going for the scans. Everytime the news seems to get worse and worse.
I looked up small head and it can be related to a syndrome - very small babies with half a head with compromised intelligence. Or just with compromised intelligence or restricted growth. Im very worried and have to wait for 6 days to even discuss it further. I cant stop crying. I dont even feel pregnant now...
Symptoms - some movement
I think the head measurment was small last time but they didnt mention it directly. I feel so disempowered. The artery flow isnt great and the right side has got worse. She also measured for the first time, the cerebral flow - it was off the chart (out of the parameters) as was the placenta flow? reading.
I had a small vision disturbance yesterday in a meeting after school. It was tiny but it happened - I was sitting down and the girls face kind of warbled. I cant describe it better than that. I see the midwife on Wednesday so I will wait till. then.
They booked me another scan in 3 weeks and told me to make an appointment to see my concultant within 2 weeks, so Im booked for Monday. (Apparently, no one else can see me because Im on his list even though he is going on holiday. What if I need to see him again?)
I hate going for the scans. Everytime the news seems to get worse and worse.
I looked up small head and it can be related to a syndrome - very small babies with half a head with compromised intelligence. Or just with compromised intelligence or restricted growth. Im very worried and have to wait for 6 days to even discuss it further. I cant stop crying. I dont even feel pregnant now...
Symptoms - some movement
Monday, 13 June 2011
22 weeks 3 days pregnant - consultant appointment high blood pressure
I had my consultant appointment today. It went okay but because of the increased artery pressure into the placenta and the high blood pressure reading (135/91) I now have to go every week to have my blood pressure checked! Its such a long journey to my midwife - it takes me half a day. I went to the hospital today (which is the same distance just walking in the opposite direction) and I have come back and slept for 3 hours - totally worn out. That cant be good.
Anyway, the consultant says I can split visits between the doctors and the midwife if that helps but approaching the doctors for such a simple test makes me nervous. Anyway, I keep going. Its upsetting though, every appointment just feels like another problem.
I have also put on over a stone in weight. On my first visit the consultant said not to put anymore weight. I was carefully weighing myself and maintaining my weight until about 3 weeks ago. I weighed myself again in anticipation of going back and a stone had jumped on from nowhere. Anyway, Im to look out for pain in the diaphram, stars, blurred vision, dizziness. What do I do if I experience any of these? Ring him? He's on holiday for 3 weeks. I dont understand this system nor the care, nor anything really.
Symptoms = nausea (still) especially if I miss a meal, shortness of breath, baby girl kicking
Anyway, the consultant says I can split visits between the doctors and the midwife if that helps but approaching the doctors for such a simple test makes me nervous. Anyway, I keep going. Its upsetting though, every appointment just feels like another problem.
I have also put on over a stone in weight. On my first visit the consultant said not to put anymore weight. I was carefully weighing myself and maintaining my weight until about 3 weeks ago. I weighed myself again in anticipation of going back and a stone had jumped on from nowhere. Anyway, Im to look out for pain in the diaphram, stars, blurred vision, dizziness. What do I do if I experience any of these? Ring him? He's on holiday for 3 weeks. I dont understand this system nor the care, nor anything really.
Symptoms = nausea (still) especially if I miss a meal, shortness of breath, baby girl kicking
Saturday, 28 May 2011
20 weeks pregnant - scan and doppler scan
I had my 20 week scan yesterday. It wasnt the best scan experience as the patient screen was broken so I could only catch glimpses by doing crunches. I thought it was more important that she measured accurately so I didnt press to see.
The doppler scan showed a notch on one side of the umbilical cord. This of course corresponds with my low papp-a score at the 12 week scan. Apparently those with low hcg as well have an even higher risk of low birth weight, fetal death, premature babies. It never stops does it... the worry, the problems. Of course I expected this was the case but now it feels very frightening. I will ring the midwife on Tuesday (its bank holiday here on Monday) and see if I can move my appointment forward. I want someone to explain the results. The paperwork puts me in the lowest percentile for growth for the biparietal diameter (this is the lowest), the head circumference and the femur length. Only the abdominal circumference is just above the average line. The sonographer didnt say this was small but it seems apparent to me. I found a site where I could enter these figures and it showed that I am on average 19weeks, a week behind where I should be.
The sonographer found no soft markers for downs so we are good to our word and will not have an invasive test. She said only 50% of babies with down syndrome show any markers and our odds are unchanged.
In my heart i have always felt that the baby wouldnt have ds but would would be born early and small.
Hang in there my lovely and take all that you can take from me.
It hasnt helped that I have a craving for licorice and looked it up to find that it should be avoided in pregnancy. That it leads to premature birth and low birth weight!!!! I have of course stopped taking it but I just hope I havent done any damage.
We were told again that it was a girl - yes! And we have another scan in 4 weeks. Do I stop worryng till then?
The baby wasnt very active at the scan which has worried me more. My tummy still hasnt drawn any attention at work (although I am wearing drapping clothes).
Oh, this is a bumpy ride.
Symptoms = indigestion, growing bbs, sore nipples, stetched stomach, wind
The doppler scan showed a notch on one side of the umbilical cord. This of course corresponds with my low papp-a score at the 12 week scan. Apparently those with low hcg as well have an even higher risk of low birth weight, fetal death, premature babies. It never stops does it... the worry, the problems. Of course I expected this was the case but now it feels very frightening. I will ring the midwife on Tuesday (its bank holiday here on Monday) and see if I can move my appointment forward. I want someone to explain the results. The paperwork puts me in the lowest percentile for growth for the biparietal diameter (this is the lowest), the head circumference and the femur length. Only the abdominal circumference is just above the average line. The sonographer didnt say this was small but it seems apparent to me. I found a site where I could enter these figures and it showed that I am on average 19weeks, a week behind where I should be.
The sonographer found no soft markers for downs so we are good to our word and will not have an invasive test. She said only 50% of babies with down syndrome show any markers and our odds are unchanged.
In my heart i have always felt that the baby wouldnt have ds but would would be born early and small.
Hang in there my lovely and take all that you can take from me.
It hasnt helped that I have a craving for licorice and looked it up to find that it should be avoided in pregnancy. That it leads to premature birth and low birth weight!!!! I have of course stopped taking it but I just hope I havent done any damage.
We were told again that it was a girl - yes! And we have another scan in 4 weeks. Do I stop worryng till then?
The baby wasnt very active at the scan which has worried me more. My tummy still hasnt drawn any attention at work (although I am wearing drapping clothes).
Oh, this is a bumpy ride.
Symptoms = indigestion, growing bbs, sore nipples, stetched stomach, wind
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
18 weeks 4 days pregnant - sickness and nose bleed
There is only 10 days to my 20 week scan and Im half way through my pregnancy. Isnt that amazing.
What isnt amazing is how I feel. Im off sick today. I went to bed early with a headache and was woken when DH came back in about nine. I was very disorientated. At some point after that I woke up again and my head was much worse. I called DH for a paracetamol and thats when I started vomitting. Vomitting then dry heaving, my nose began bleeding and I had to hold onto the bed because my head was spinning. It seemed to go on forever. I was crying and spluttering and covered in liquid (tears, snot, blood, bile) everything that could produce liquid on my head was doing so simultaneously.
I hate to say this, especially as I have worked so hard to get here, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. I feel guilty for saying or even thinking this but most days I feel unwell. Be it the foul taste in my mouth after I eat anything, feeling dizzy in the playground at the end of the day (wondering if I will stay on my feet), the headaches, the sickness or the stomach discomfort.
I suppose I imagined I would be an earth mother. You know, Id be a natural who would love every moment of pregnancy. Its come as a bit of a surprise to me. I feel stupid. It scares me that I feel like this. Its like Ive got on a rollarcoster and there is no way off. Not that I want to get off. Im just scared.
I cant wait for my baby to come but what if I find motherhood as hard as pregnancy. Maybe Ill start blooming soon.
On a separate note I spoke to my doctor today about the offer of shared care that was made to me when I was referred to St Thomas'. That would mean I could have midwife appointments at my doctors surgery. My last midwife appointment was at 3pm. I left at 2 to get there and because of the train connections, I got home at 5.30. My doctors is 6 mins from school and 10 minutes from home! Fingers crossed.
Symptoms = foul taste after eating, vomitting, nose bleed, trouble getting comfortable at night, headaches, lightheadiness
What isnt amazing is how I feel. Im off sick today. I went to bed early with a headache and was woken when DH came back in about nine. I was very disorientated. At some point after that I woke up again and my head was much worse. I called DH for a paracetamol and thats when I started vomitting. Vomitting then dry heaving, my nose began bleeding and I had to hold onto the bed because my head was spinning. It seemed to go on forever. I was crying and spluttering and covered in liquid (tears, snot, blood, bile) everything that could produce liquid on my head was doing so simultaneously.
I hate to say this, especially as I have worked so hard to get here, but I do not enjoy being pregnant. I feel guilty for saying or even thinking this but most days I feel unwell. Be it the foul taste in my mouth after I eat anything, feeling dizzy in the playground at the end of the day (wondering if I will stay on my feet), the headaches, the sickness or the stomach discomfort.
I suppose I imagined I would be an earth mother. You know, Id be a natural who would love every moment of pregnancy. Its come as a bit of a surprise to me. I feel stupid. It scares me that I feel like this. Its like Ive got on a rollarcoster and there is no way off. Not that I want to get off. Im just scared.
I cant wait for my baby to come but what if I find motherhood as hard as pregnancy. Maybe Ill start blooming soon.
On a separate note I spoke to my doctor today about the offer of shared care that was made to me when I was referred to St Thomas'. That would mean I could have midwife appointments at my doctors surgery. My last midwife appointment was at 3pm. I left at 2 to get there and because of the train connections, I got home at 5.30. My doctors is 6 mins from school and 10 minutes from home! Fingers crossed.
Symptoms = foul taste after eating, vomitting, nose bleed, trouble getting comfortable at night, headaches, lightheadiness
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
17 weeks 3 days pregnant - level II scan gender
Well I went on Monday for a scan. We tried to time it for 16 weeks but with all the bank holidays it wasnt possible. DH met me and we went in together (last time I arrived early and was called early and he walked into the clinic as I walked out). We were looking for any physical markers that might show that there is an issue with the baby as I do not want any invasive tests without something physical to indicate it is necessary (the negative nuchal test wasbased on the blood tests only and this can be affected by ivf).
Anyway, the sonographer, who was lovely, couldnt see everything. What she saw was normal - femur length, head and tummy measurements, bladder, etc. She couldnt see the heart, kidneys, brain, etc. (sorry I dont have the paper with me). So based on the scan we will wait to the 20 week scan.
She did try and see the gender. She wasnt sure (she said things could be hiding) but she thought it might be a girl. Well I so want a heathly baby but after that I so want a healthy girl. I persuaded dh to tell me a few days before what he prefered and he said 'I would love a daughter'. How fantastic is that! So it could be a little girl! We will hopefully get it confirmed at the 20 week scan!
In the meantime she(?) has been kicking (she was very active on the scan) and I think I feel her everyday. Just light movements but definately the baby.
Symptoms = tender nipples (especially in the shower), larger darker nipples, sense of nanusea and some sharp pains in tummy when getting up or moving suddenly
Anyway, the sonographer, who was lovely, couldnt see everything. What she saw was normal - femur length, head and tummy measurements, bladder, etc. She couldnt see the heart, kidneys, brain, etc. (sorry I dont have the paper with me). So based on the scan we will wait to the 20 week scan.
She did try and see the gender. She wasnt sure (she said things could be hiding) but she thought it might be a girl. Well I so want a heathly baby but after that I so want a healthy girl. I persuaded dh to tell me a few days before what he prefered and he said 'I would love a daughter'. How fantastic is that! So it could be a little girl! We will hopefully get it confirmed at the 20 week scan!
In the meantime she(?) has been kicking (she was very active on the scan) and I think I feel her everyday. Just light movements but definately the baby.
Symptoms = tender nipples (especially in the shower), larger darker nipples, sense of nanusea and some sharp pains in tummy when getting up or moving suddenly
Thursday, 5 May 2011
17 weeks pregnant - midwife appointment
Yesterday I had my first midwife appointment since the booking in appointment. Not much happened. We reviewed my blood tests - all clear (although I had to have another one as they neglected to test for something). Took my blood pressure, tested my urine and listened to the heartbeat. The midwife found the heartbeat quicker than I do at home but at least we were listening to the same thing.
On Monday I have the extra scan that the neo-natal unit (I think) booked for me after the test results. I have a friend on a forum who just got a 1:9 chance. She is going to a specialist on Harley Street to get a second opinion. I did consider doing this but because mine was mostly down to bloods I thought it would just be the calculation that changed. Hers was down to the nuchal fold of the baby and the bloods. Its hard but in one way its nice to have some company (although I wouldnt wish it on anyone).
All is well. Im not at the blooming stage yet although my finger nails look fantastic. Uncomfortable breast stuff. Sharp pains and tender nipples. The tiredness continues as does the sickness. My tummy is growing but I dont think anyone has spotted at work. Maybe after Monday I will feel more comfortable telling people.
Symptoms = tender nipples, sickness (reflux), bump
On Monday I have the extra scan that the neo-natal unit (I think) booked for me after the test results. I have a friend on a forum who just got a 1:9 chance. She is going to a specialist on Harley Street to get a second opinion. I did consider doing this but because mine was mostly down to bloods I thought it would just be the calculation that changed. Hers was down to the nuchal fold of the baby and the bloods. Its hard but in one way its nice to have some company (although I wouldnt wish it on anyone).
All is well. Im not at the blooming stage yet although my finger nails look fantastic. Uncomfortable breast stuff. Sharp pains and tender nipples. The tiredness continues as does the sickness. My tummy is growing but I dont think anyone has spotted at work. Maybe after Monday I will feel more comfortable telling people.
Symptoms = tender nipples, sickness (reflux), bump
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