Its 2am and Im up. I was woken up by the heavy feeling in my uterus. It definately feels like AF is coming. The feeling is coming mostly from my left side and my temperature has dipped today. Im not sure if it should have dipped yet. Normally your temperature goes down just before your period starts but the progesterone prevents my period from starting (I have never had a period whilst taking this medication and for a bfn I have to stop taking it and AF follows a week or so later).
To be fair, Ive been up every hour from about midnight, reaching for the thermometer at 1am it was 36.50 (a dip from yeterday) at 2am it was 36.38 (really low) but you are supposed to take your temperature first thing in the morning after a good 5 hours sleep. So really who knows.
The 2 week wait is a killer. It plays with your mind or rather you play with your mind! I dont want another bfn. I dont know if I can face it. Its that horrible realisation that its over. That hope has gone and at 43 that time is definately running out. It hits like a rock and drags you down.
The process takes all your money. Im in credit card debt. Debt that I cant pay off in 6 months and yet if this cycle doesnt work I will want to try again in April and if that doesnt work in summer constantly increasing the strain on your credit cards. Each cycle is in excess of £5000. I have yet to be billed for this FET (frozen embryo transfer which costs just over £1000. Can you see how it builds.
Oh, I think that will be the end of my rant for today. I need to go to the loo and am thinking whether to poas now or wait till the morning. The obsessing mind means that if I pee now and its negative I shall be tempted to do another one in the morning which is likely to read the same result. I shall wait... to morning. Its bad enough having to wait for another 24 hours. If I can offer any advice to anyone its dont test early. Im sure its great if its possitive but if not its just painful and drags you down.
No comments:
Post a Comment